H came over to seen S1 yesterday again only a couple of hours. As soon as S1 went to bed he was out of here. It's like he is afraid to be around me. We talked a little bit about that. He just said he is breaking things off with OW it's really hard for him right now but he is getting it done. Said he is lucky to have a second chance and he is afraid of messing up again. Ok but if you never come around or call there is nothing to mess up. I dont know...just really sick of all this. I want more than he wants to give me, i'm really tired of pretending and it's so hard to keep my mouth shut all the time. I would like some more help from him with our son and some more responsiblity but all he does is "hang out with the guys". I know I should be happy he is making small steps but now they just seem to be too small. I dont know what to do....
