i realized this weekend (see my stitch) that i have to file. i have to for me - i have to because FOR ME it is the only way that i will move forward and let go. IT DOESNT mean I want to date it doesn't mean anything other than for me I have to let him go.
As with you - why would he file? My h is living with ow - financials are set --- he says he never wants to marry again...so why should he file?
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
It seems like your h pops over to your house most nights. Is it on a certain schedule? If not, I think it might help you if you were to set up a visitation schedule. I know he doesn't have a place that he can take the kids to, but it's not good for you to have him coming and going whenever he wants. Maybe it's a good time to draw up a more formal plan? I considered this for myself a few months back, when things weren't gong so well. Maybe if you treated it as a more traditional separation, he would start to feel the reality of it. If you were to get D'd, then he certainly wouldn't be able to come and go whenever he wants.
Just an idea. Feel free to ignore me! I hope your cold is better and you're having a great day!
This just applies to my particular situation, but I found that when I set clear, strict boundaries, my ex thinks alot more about what he is doing and looks deeper within himself. He also becomes a little bit more nicer.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
thanks for all your replies I am feeling a bit more grounded today but sometimes I wish I could run too like Ive been thinking about moving probably my way to try to escape this mess I see no way out feel as though this may last forever or at the very least another year, and then I may still be in same spot..nowhere I dont know if I could make it another year I am tryiong to shift my focus on rebuilding my life working on friendships with women and keeping up with kids trying to plan summer camps ect. music lessons new school for D need to fugure out what I can do for PT work I need to be busier I started a business but im not sure how to market myself or if I could really make money at this it is a wellness- fitness business I teach yoga and much of the time I focus too much on H or mom so I have no energy to figure this business out but I feel God wants me to do it just dont know how to start Mom is still sick , so thats another depressing situation that is on hold I know there will be peace on the other side of this road hope I make it there soon and in one piece
No word from H today and that is good and a relief to not see him peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace- Glad you are feeling more grounded today. Whoa...you have so much going on...sounds like you have plenty to keep you busy for awhile. Your business could be a great thing for you to focus on if you could find the energy.
I can see why you might want to move but, IMO, don't do it unless you are done or you can't afford the house. My H does not feel a connection to my new house and uses it as one of his issues (excuses). I believe that your H stills has some kind of a connection to your home. I think being still would include your home.
The fantasy of running away seems tempting...<sigh>...but you know you could never do it...so, if you ever need a little escape, come visit me in CA.
I wiah I was near you, I'd take some yoga classes from you!
I never did sign up for the bellydancing classes. I saw a show where is was referenced and it kind of scared me. But there can't be anything scarey about yoga, can there?
Take the focus off your H and just focus on you, your kids and your mom. That is plenty.
I like upsides thoughts about moving.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I started a business but im not sure how to market myself or if I could really make money at this it is a wellness- fitness business I teach yoga and much of the time I focus too much on H or mom so I have no energy to figure this business out but I feel God wants me to do it just dont know how to start
Have you thought of checking with chiropractic practices, wellness clinics, alternative medicine clinics, etc? I know of some that offer massage therapy, Qigong classes, fitness centers, gyms, etc. It might be worthwhile checking this out.
Sorry to hear your Mom is still sick. Hope she gets better soon.
I had this dream either last night or before one night my brother told me to forget about H Today I spoke with Brother..He said that I may want to come to terms with letting H go weird to have this conversation with B I asked him how H was at work as they work together He said H is always late doesnt return calls gained lots of weight has been very moody/but seems nicer lately and says they are getting along I asked Brother if H seemed different He asid yes, but doesnt really know how he is different he said H never talks about us or our seperation brother does not think he is going to stay there working he wants to do other things No word from H and that is good again for me It is hard to constantly see him and I know I may need to change the rules but not now a little bit more I have to pray for strength I sense H may be ready to hit a bottom not sure maybe wishful thinking we will see peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
That's great that you started your own business. I've done the same. And while it's definitely not what pays the bills, I enjoy it. That's the most important part. It'll keep you busy. If it's something you love to do, you never know what it may become.
Just keep letting go of your H. It's still too soon to see any changes, IMO. The less contact you have with him, the more changes, if any, you'll be able to see later.
I think that no matter how much they may be following the script, things never happen the way we imagine them to in our minds. Stop looking for signs (I know... it's hard). No signs, no expectations.
