Not at all! My W was talking about getting me that pug I want for my birthday. I said I wanted to be sure we could take it to Japan with us if we get it, as we are still not sure where we will end up. A dog is for life not just for Marriage repairing!
I was speaking to my old boss in japan this morning. Just catching up. He said my old job is waiting for me anytime I want to go back, so there is that!
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
My W was talking about getting me that pug I want for my birthday.
That is too funny! The W and I have pugs. She, of course, has them now. I grew up in an environment where non-working dogs had no value. I got these 2 for her to make her happy. I ended up getting pretty attached to both. They have quite the personality.
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
"I asked if in her view of the future did she see us ever kissing again, or sharing a bed, she teasingly said maybe"
Sweetie, you are pushing again. I know it is so hard, but don't blow it now. You've come a long way...baby stepping it just like you are suppose to. You are just getting horny!
Let me tell you why I know how your W feels. I left my H for about a week once and had no sexual desire what-so-ever for him. I was talked into going back to him (against my wishes) but anyway, the thing is that I told him not to push me about having sex and he promised he wouldn't......but, I knew that he was just hanging there by a thread all the time waiting for me to give the word. I'm not sure, b/c it was too many years ago, but I think he kind of said some things along the lines that you said to your W. Like, "How long do you think it will be before you are ready to have sex?" It would just turn me off that much more. Even when he didn't say anything, I could sense it and it was pressure on me.
I know this is not good news to you, but you have got to think of it as courting her....like you said. That is what you are actually doing! That is why you have to be as attractive in your personality, looks, sex appeal and every part of the R to draw her back to you.
I really wished that you both could move away from any of the relatives and especially get her away from that job where OM is. I just don't think it is going to be a good idea for her to return to a location where she is seeing OM. But, who knows, maybe he will get relocated.
You have to think about hospital insurance and a lot of things like that when you have a baby coming. My H and I never thought too much about job benifits when we were young, but believe me....I do now! It is very expensive to have a baby without insurance now.
I sense your impatience b/c you are wanting to rush things along too rapidly. Stop and think where you were just a few weeks ago. Slow down and don't push. She has come a long way, Steve. But, until she is ready to turn lose of the OM, I wouldn't be looking for too many kisses anytime soon. Don't be counting on any for your birthday. The reason I say this is b/c you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember me telling you how men get their hopes up at the slightest little positive move? That is what you are doing. Don't go looking at the calendar and saying, "Maybe by this date I'll get a kiss." Forget it. I mean it, Steve.....forget about the kissing! She will give you a kiss when she is ready and if you force it before she's ready....you will screw it up! Besides, she sees it in you just like I saw it in my H and that's not good. So, that is why I said forget about it. You are horny and you are thinking about it way too much. And.....don't you dare...DON'T YOU DARE ASK HER FOR A KISS!! A woman hates that in a man! Did Rhett Butler ask Scarlett for a kiss? I should say not! He took it....but don't try that just yet. (lol) BTW, have you see the movie yet?
Speaking of movies, when I read about the horse anology, it reminded me of an old movie with Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee years ago titled "When a Man Answers". Sandra's mother was teaching her how to "train" her H, so she gave her a book about how to train man's best friend....a dog. It worked very well until Bobby, her H, found out about the book....lol. So, I would be careful treating her like a horse. Besides, you can't trick W's like you can horses....lol.
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am impressed that he went from 42 inch jeans to a 32 inch jeans. That is an amazing 25% reduction! Also, I am curious, but I thought the UK was using the metric system - are inches still used?
Wow Steve. I don't know if you realize it, but letting you feel her belly when the baby kicked is a big deal! That is a HUGE moment in any R and pregnancy. It is wonderful that she is sharing that with you. I agree with everyone else. Just go with the flow for now. You are gonna have to take it slow.
Hi Sandi, Thank you for making sense. That is the good thing about coming here. I already know in my heart what needs to be done, but I need to hear someone else tell me too.
Quote:
Sweetie, you are pushing again. I know it is so hard, but don't blow it now. You've come a long way...baby stepping it just like you are suppose to. You are just getting horny!
I know. Not just the horny aspect, but what a step that that would symbolise.
Quote:
It would just turn me off that much more. Even when he didn't say anything, I could sense it and it was pressure on me.
Makes sense.
Quote:
Stop and think where you were just a few weeks ago. Slow down and don't push. She has come a long way, Steve. But, until she is ready to turn lose of the OM, I wouldn't be looking for too many kisses anytime soon. Don't be counting on any for your birthday.
Yes, more than ever now, I stop to think where I have come from. And that gives me hope. I feel now like (analogy alert) I have got the 4 corners of the jigsaw in place, have done the hard part. Just got to fill in the middle now. And the little voice in my head already told me not to expect a kiss on my birthday. Hate it when that guy is right!!
Quote:
And.....don't you dare...DON'T YOU DARE ASK HER FOR A KISS!! A woman hates that in a man! Did Rhett Butler ask Scarlett for a kiss? I should say not! He took it....but don't try that just yet. (lol) BTW, have you see the movie yet?
I have not asked for a kiss, I have flirted with her and said things like `give us a kiss baby!`. Bit more fun, is this still asking in a bad way do you think? I am trying to do this without talking most of the time. Lean in a little, if she doesnt move I will kiss her cheek. etc... I do want that first kiss to be special, and I do have to admit that having asked for a kiss in the evening before bed and getting it is not as special as having romanced her for a while, and then it spontaneously happening one evening after a romantic dinner. I have got the movie, just need to sit down and watch it now.
Unfortunatly I have put the babys birth as a kind of date in my mind. I wanted things to be ok by then, as I think that we will have to put `us` on hold for a while then. I would like us to be ok when we go `on hold`. And as for the physical intimacy... dont think that is going to happen for a while after the birth. I need to go back to my initial response of resigning myself to no sex in 2008 I think. Then if it happens it will be a very pleasent bonus. W wants to go to Japan for a couple of months in Oct and Nov, assuming that the baby is ok. She wants to go and see her mum. Let her mum take care of her. I said that I might be able to get that time too, but if she prefer to be alone then just let me know. She said she has no problem with me going. I think that would be nice, a couple of months away from work and all the stresses of this area.
Hi Lori
Quote:
Wow Steve. I don't know if you realize it, but letting you feel her belly when the baby kicked is a big deal! That is a HUGE moment in any R and pregnancy. It is wonderful that she is sharing that with you.
It was really great!!!!!!
Hi Kerry
Quote:
I am impressed that he went from 42 inch jeans to a 32 inch jeans. That is an amazing 25% reduction! Also, I am curious, but I thought the UK was using the metric system - are inches still used?
Bit of both. Supposed to use the metric, but we also have imperial for those that dont get it. I am proud of my 25% too.
Last night W was up about 3am. Was a bit sick, so I got up to see if I could help. She went back to her room, I went in to see if she wanted me to get her a drink or anything. She said `do you want to sleep in here? I know you want to, come on then` So I did. So that was great, first time I was invited back!!
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
She said `do you want to sleep in here? I know you want to, come on then` So I did. So that was great, first time I was invited back!!
I think that is a good sign......but she is vulnerable when she is sick so it could go either way. By that I mean next time, she might not want you around her.....remember what I said about scents? My mother said it made her sick to smell my daddy when she was pregnant (lol) and he was not a dirty person...it was just that she was that sensitive to smells....and that sick!
Back to the kissing.....yes, I do think you are pushing by saying, "give us a kiss baby".....even if you are doing it in a fun way, it is still putting pressure on her. She is not stupid Steve....she knows! I don't know that I would kiss her on the cheek unless she seems pretty much in the mood and you think the timing is right. DO NOT ASK FOR A GOOD NIGHT KISS! That is showing that you are needy (which you are, but still it is a turn-off to her).
I am so impressed about your weight loss. Wish I could brag like that...lol. But, personally, I think you have probably lost enough weight. Just tone and keep in shape. You don't want to be skinny!
Her letting you feel the baby kick is a very good sign!! Because that is a very private and special moment that the mother doesn't want to share with anyone, the first time the baby kicks, except the daddy.....usually (there may be some exceptions out there, but that's my personal viewpoint).
Got to get back to work. Just came in for lunch. Sweetie, you are doing great. Just remember to not set yourself up for disappointment and don't pressure. Flirting is ok, just be careful and don't over kill.
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
