Don't stop posting!!! You're an incredible inspiration around here. What is happening in your life makes perfect sense to me and it fits perfectly with everything I think and write. So, I'm glad you posted here and I am going to put your post on the newcomer's thread for inspiration. It's good for people to know that it's not over until it's over. And for you, my friend, your marriage is far from over. Good work! I can tell you've worked very hard to get to the point you're at with your wife.
I'm not surprised at how making love actually "makes love" happen. I always say, if you're depressed, start dancing to great music and try being depressed in the midst of that. The moral of the story is that actions often lead to a change of feelings, even if you're not in the mood when you start. When two people have sex, make love, it's difficult to separate out feelings, especially if you're having physical contact on a regular basis. Feelings of connection are bound to happen over time. So, I'm glad you had the strength to keep going even though the future was uncertain at that time. I'm glad you had the presence of mind to make yourself more attractive without allowing your ego to stand in the way. I'm glad you questioned yourself and looked inward to see how you might change to make yourself more the man your wife wants and needs in her life. Congratulations.
Now, it's important for me to point out that there are lots of folks around here who have made these changes and haven't been so fortunate yet. This is why I must give credit to your wife who somehow managed to keep her heart open to see the transformation in you. She must be a pretty special lady. We all hope and pray that the spouses of DB'ers come around just like your wife.
I suggest that you just keep doing what you're doing because it's working. At some point in the future, you both might consider going to a DB therapist if there is one in your area. If not, you can certainly call our office for a coaching session or two. YOu can even do a session with you and your wife on the phone! Just a thought.
But for now, just review all the good things you've been doing and keep doing them. You're on a roll. Keep rolling. Michele
