I pick up my kids for the weekend and ex says I have to take D14's dog also. No problem for the first night. We stay up here in Canada for a night then head south because I have to work weekend duty (12 hour shifts for Sat and Sun). Well, I get the kids to the youth center for the day and plan on picking them up and dropping S16 off at EX's. He had a boot camp thing for this week....oh yeah, they're off for the week...spring break.
So anyway, D14 stays with me for the week and I decide that S16 should just take the dog in and we will drive off. We do that and 15 minutes later, EX calls. She goes off the bat about this and that and how the dog is D14's responsibility and that she won't watch the dog because she is busy destroying crap this week to fix their house to sell. She is moving to Turkey for 2 years. Kids decided they will stay with me. Sooooo....I have D14 call her mom about the dog and I leave the room. I come back in 10 minutes and talk to D14. She says that her mom will get rid of the dog....5 month old male chihuahua. Ex does not call me back. But, in the convo on the phone with her she was trying to make it clear to me that I would have to be dealing with that dog when D14 moves in....NO, NOT QUITE! I made it clear that it was MY decision if they would bring pets over....NOT HERS. MY HOUSE....NOT HERS!
This whole situation has to be SO difficult for your children. They have no say in the situation they will be living in. They will not see their mother often. You are in a new R and they have to work out their feelings about that. Moved away from their friends. But to lose your beloved pet on top of all that - unthinkable!
I feel SO very bad for your daughter. I hope you can put her feelings first just as Rob asks. This is a touchy time in your children's lives and as parents we have to do as much as we can to ease them through it.
Well, D14 decided that she wanted to live with me as well as S16. The decision was left up to them. As far as D14 wanting what, she decided that she did not want the dog and that the dog was a gift from her mom. She wants the dog but wants a new pet to start out on the right foot so to speak. She didn't have the support from her mom with the pup from the beginning. She is fed up with her mom in many ways. Verbal abuse and constantly being put down about school, her attitude and her defiance with the "step dad". The ex is constantly trying to compare her step dad to this guy and there is no comparision. Her step dad was not a previous good friend. He definitely replaced her biological father because he left the marriage and basically cut ties with his kids, my ex and her siblings. So, there is no way to compare THIS guy she married to me. I am here, I am involved in my childrens lives and I am there for them. Is that a fair comparision? Nope, I didn't think so.
The kids feelings in all of this? Yes, a very high subject. With the new R, they have accepted everything with open arms to include the starting of "boundries" on certain things....because this is not mom and this new person has privacies that must be respected. I have talked with my kids and explained this to them and S16, being older, understands....D14 needs to be reminded.
Things will start to settle down and a routine set in place once I get back from Colorado and the kids come and live with me and their mom is gone. My Mom will be coming up AFTER the ex is gone and will be spending time with the kids and will help in relaxing them in a new environment. They will be starting a new school year with me also.....and it will be D14's first year of High School...S16 will be a junior. Old school for him!
Sooooooooo......D14's feelings are a priority and her dealing with what is going on, at times, feels like it is just as bad as the beginning of the the D. She deals with it in different ways. Some good, some bad. Right now she is going through, I think, an identity crisis. She has the "Goth" thing going right now....and she just pierced her own nose and has cut her hair a little weird. Having fun dealing with this one!
and she just pierced her own nose and has cut her hair a little weird. Having fun dealing with this one!
She sounds Californian not goth
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
Excellent choice he made. The kids love it! The pup loves it!
It is just perfect for them. Lots of space for everyone's belongings and I am sure they will be very happy in it.
Of course, the kids wish they were living there full time already but I am sure the next few months will pass quickly. At least, for their sakes, I hope it does.
And...for the record, their pets HAVE NOT been taken from them. FA's son will have his cat and daughter, her cat. She will get a new puppy later. She actually did not want the particular pup that she got so it is not something she is real torn up over.
on the sounding like me...oppositional defiant disorder wasn't around then...so my mom just called me a sh!t!!!!)
