Well, in that case, maybe you should do as she says, "stop kissing her ass" and go detach...big time. It's harder to do while under the same roof, but you can give her plenty of space. If it wasn't for the kids, you could go dark, but I don't know how you can do that under the same roof and with kids. I would certainly give her the LRT in very firm terms (if you know what I mean....no ass kissing what so-ever) Pull a Rhett Butler on her! If she thinks you really mean it (and you'd better) then maybe (just maybe) she will change her mind. As I see it, it's the only card you have left to play. After the LRT speech, I would stay as far away from her as possible. I'm not saying I would leave the house, but I would make it a point to be gone when she's there as much as possible. It goes back to the GAL and all the other things I've told you.
It seems that this goes deeper than just "payback". She just doesn't want to forgive you.....period. And, if she is going to throw it up in your face at every turn....you can't win. I was listen to The Proper Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura, and she said that women are the worst about forgetting. Even if they have said they have forgiven....they still want to bring up the past they haven't let go of or forgotten. I'm sorry to say, that is very true. I am finding it hard to put my resentments behind me and move forward. But, my situation is much different b/c mine was a series of things that happened over decades of M that brought us to where we are....not a particular wrong doing.
I am so sorry and wish I had the magic words for you. You can only do so much, but I do know that from what you've said that you have done enough "ass kissing" b/c now she is being turned off by it, so I would suggest that you start applying some alpha male steps the the author of Making Her Happy web site talks about. You can get his free news letters. They are very good. A woman may get mad at you, but she has to respect you in order to be in love with you. So, show you manly self and don't let her walk on you anymore after today. Draw the line in the sand.
I know your pain is bad, but I hope you will keep coming here to post. It helps to get it out of your system by talking to somebody.
Take care of yourself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
