H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Way too long. WAY WAY too long. This doesn't need to be more than a few sentences and here's why.

Of course he's pushing too fast -as you say- but right after you tell him you need time, since he's had tons more than you have (it's called "planning ahead" and he was doing it long before he'll admit it, even to himself), so you tell him he's going too fast for you and that this is all so new and shocking....and THEN you start answering his messages and replying point by point, e.g., "I take exception" etc blah blah blah. You undermine your own point, which is that you are not ready to discuss these matters. SO DON'T DISCUSS THEM BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT READY TO DO SO. Do Not Respond. Do Not Be Sucked Into His World, which he is directing and starring in and wrote, etc.

Sorry for the 2 x 4, but you're scaring me a bit. And why on earth haven't you seen a L yet? What's with the fear that once you seek legal counsel, somehow a scud missile is launched and cannot be dismantled and then what will happen? Will he leave you? Oh wait, HE ALREADY HAS LEFT YOU.

I AM a lawyer and despite some differences in Britain, our system is based mostly on yours. There is NO HARM in you speaking to a lawyer to find out your rights. I would NOT inform your h of this at all. No reason to at this point. You simply want information. God knows your h is pushing for decisions from you and Not only are you unprepared emotionally to make those choices, you are also totally unprepared mentally. You lack financial planning and marital rights info but you need it desparately.

Stop arguing with H. Particularly about not wanting to discuss things now. It's actually hilarious/ridiculous to argue --about not wanting to argue now.....Make the point that you NEED more time to process all this, and you already politiely asked for it.

Now TAKE THIS TIME because he seems unable to "give" it to you. And get counsel as to your rights asap. For all we know, your h has used the business as collateral for loans for God knows what, and I don't know what your corporation /business/partnership/limited liability company IS or what it means there. Don't know what debts will be yours/his or both. What IS his rush and how can it possibly help YOU to rush things? NOT saying to delay the divorce in a manipulative way, but clearly he wants choices made by you quickly, for a reason that does NOT benefit you...

I DO know you need to know your rights. Please do not inform him of your visit to a lawyer unless advised by counsel to do so. This isn't a game of one upmanship or threats, etc. For now, it's business, AND it will afffect your children. So put away the broken heart for awhile, let yourself heal and for the first time probably ever, set a boundary with your h, and then enforce it.
(( j ))