My situation was this....H started an EA with a woman he met out of town. Stayed in touch via the email and phone calls. Then he decided to start a PA. Our sex life really didn't alter much at all (it had slowed down some for both of us before the EA or PA anyway partially due to age and some problems I was having). I am not sure if that was due to the fact that he didn't see her but once a month for 4 months. He never treated me any differently and even though we were having trouble communicating and seemed to be drifting apart,we maintained our PR and we both knew we still loved each other (we were just having problems figuring out how to stop the roller coater ride we seemed to be on). Anyway,the A ended after 4 months. He did contine to receive emails from her and he did reply to some of them but stopped all communication with her when he realized that he was hurting our R by staying in touch with her. The sexual part of our R did get better after the A ended. I believe that happened because we both changed the way we were treating one another,we started back doing "little things" for each other like we used to do,we both started being more affectionate and attentive to the others wants and needs and we rediscovered why we fell in love in the first place. I did have some problems with the fact that he was intimate with another woman but I refused to let that stand in the way of the progress we were making in out PR and our ER!! I still think about it and it still hurts even after over a year but it is deffinately better. Don't know if this helps in anyway but that's my story. I believe in my heart that if you love someone enough and they love you enough,even an A can be forgiven and the physical side of your R can become better than ever.People are all different. Some men and women react differently to an A. Some men and women will increase their sexual relationship with the spouse out of guilt or they will slow it down because of a decrease in ability because it is all spent on the OP. Maybe they will decrease it because of a lack of desire for the spouse and it's possible that sometimes the person cheating is actually in love with the OP. It is all a matter of the individual. You know you spouse better than any of us. You have to determine the type of person they are. You can try all the "tricks in the book" to make someone love and desire you but the bottom line is "you cannot control the thoughts and feelings of someone else". You have to determine if you can accept and live with the situation. Best of luck and let us know how things are going. pfroglady
