This going dim thing is hard. I find myself trying to not get sucked in as H sits and is quiet around me or says he is in the way.
When I got back from running errands yesterday, d13 told me she tm'd h to come over. Fine. I was taking s16 out for a driving lesson. H came in and sat in the kitchen doing a crossword puzzle. S16 and I were watching the game.
We left...and when we got back he was still quiet. I didn't say a word. We got ready for d13's swim banquet. I asked if he was coming in my car and his reply....I don't want to be in the way. I will take my own. No problem.
Anyway, he did sit with me at the banquet. I made sure the table was full of people who didn't know us well so they wouldn't be uncomfortable. I think a lot of people who haven't seen much of H were suprised of his appearance. The long curly afro....the same as when he was in high school.
Anyway, we did make some small talk, but he was still quiet. I could see him get a bit emotional, but let it go. Today he is going to d13's softball game. It is almost an hour away so I won't be going. I need to be here for s16. H said he would have to rearrange his Counseling appt. I pray he rescheduled...he really needs it.
He did call a couple of times today regarding directions. I helped him as best i could. He rushed me off the phone. My C says he tries to parrot me at times. I thinks this is one of them. The quick calls....dim.
I miss my H....I don't like the wall between us, but perhaps this change in strategy will help. D13 once again said to me this morning that "dad thinks you are mad at him." Whatever!! He was the one who told me that he wanted to move on with his life....so I am letting him know how it will be without me. Hope he is enjoying it.
As far as the papers, Snodderly, that is exactly what I am doing Holding still until he says something. How one person's actions can destroy so much....I pray to God that he helps him soon, before it is too late.
