My latest thought is middle aged women are way too empowered. Hey, if I was at a low in my life (saw myself aging, career sucks, mother dieing, best friend dieing, raising three teenagers all in three months) and minor marriage issues and I could take a few bucks and alimony per month for the rest of my life I may think of hitting the road and acting like a teenager too. Sounds like fun to me.
I will be fine. At the moment I feel very used. I think I have weathered some of the biggest bumps already over the last 6 months. This is very hard for me but I am starting to accept and detach. It’s tough to take twenty years and just forget about it. The hardest part will be moving out and saying goodbye.
This whole thing has really changed me as a person and I really like the changes I have made, I now I feel very alive and aware. I can not control her and her wants and needs but I can control me and the way I react to her craziness. A lot of this was my fault too, I was kind of sleep walking through life, taking things for granted.
The best thing that is coming out of this I never realized how many people really love me and really care for me, including her family. I really had no idea. When this crisis hit so many people were right there for me, they were lined up. I was with her twin brother and my sister in-law this weekend for the funeral and they spent so much time just telling me how much they loved me and we talked about all the great times we had together. I also have never been closer to my family.
I feel really bad for my kids but I will dedicate the rest of my life to them and their happiness. I love them so much it’s crazy. They are not liking their mother right now and I have to fix that which is also going to be very hard. Their relationship with their Mom is very important. They don’t see how important it is now because of the poor choices she is making, the way she is treating me and paying no attention to them.
