Last Thread I have really contemplated moving back to the separated forum, but I guess I will just stay here for now...although I don't really feel that I belong here anymore.
So H finally called me last night. Today would have been a week with no contact. He seemed nervous when I answered. I was actually out with some friends and contemplated answering. Then I decided he would be able to tell I was out, and maybe he would see I am not just sitting at home doing nothing.
We didn't really talk for long. He told me he didn't really have any reason for calling (he always seems to think he needs a reason to call) but he just wanted to see how I was doing since we hadn't talked in a while. I told him I was fine. I asked him about work and we just chit-chatted for a little bit. I told him I was meeting up with his parents and his sister this weekend and that if he didn't have to work he was welcome to go with me. He told me he wasn't sure if he was scheduled to work but if he wasn't he needed to work at the restaurant for some extra money. He also said he didn't think he could handle seeing his parents right now.
I have made a decision that I still won't contact him. If he decides again that he wants to work on the marriage...and for some reason I have a feeling he will...then I will have requirements for doing so. I will not welcome him back again with open arms. I deserve to be happy too. I think I am in a better state emotionally to require that my needs also be met. I am no longer afraid of being without him.
If after some time he has made no effort then I will move on. I will make the move and file for divorce and I will try to move on. I have to. I can't live like this forever. I have not decided how long until I make that move, but I am thinking I will wait until after the wedding I have to be in in June. I just don't think I can deal with that as well as the wedding stuff(which I am matron of honor in ). Also that will be about a year of me fighting for my marriage. If kids were involved maybe I could fight longer....but under the circumstances I don't think I can.
). Also that will be about a year of me fighting for my marriage. If kids were involved maybe I could fight longer....but under the circumstances I don't think I can.