unevitably aboard the D train...

[cat03]

wow Suzy! what a thing to say on the D paperwork, no matter how many times I read an appalling rewrite of history from a WAH/MLCer it still blows my mind the way they make stuff up, unBELIEVABLE!!

Got the wind knocked from me today, of course H came over for kids, with ow's parking permit on his permit (yea, i'm sure they are "just talking") Still a sore spot, can't get his "she's out of the pict" and "it isnt a decision about choosing you and her" crappy comments when things unfolded in late Feb.
It still hurts, wish it didn't, I have to remind myself that the zombie who comes over istn' my H, that him and ow do deserve each other, their souls are rotten.

Yes, God loves them too, despite all their crap, so I pray I come to total peace in regard to them both. Even if they M next year as the D is finalized, I need to reach full detachment and not fret if he does well, after all, my kids need him.

We started visitation plans, I broke down realizing kids wont be with me every night once he gets his place next spring, he wants to have them an extra morning and that's killing me.
We agreed on Mon-Tue afternoons and Tue-Wed morning, every other week he'll have them from Sun at 1pm. I was fighing for Wed morning, that'd make it 3 our of 4 mornings every other wk that I wont' see my kids, it breaks my heart. He says I still get to see them more than him, and do I want him involved in their life.
Yes, I do, but DAMN it, I get to miss out on those days.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!! yes, I am trying to understand that he actually wants time with them and that that is a good thing

I am now a bit more calm, I remember my days of busy mom wishing for one day without kids, now I might have 2.5 and I dont' want them
I need to fill those days to the brim, I thought about going to my zumba class one night, spending the night at my sister's, the next night i can take a night class at the local community college, I'd like to be some sort of therapist (yes, lol, as messed up as I am now) and/or join the small group church homes that meet during the week.
SIGH, ok, end of pity party