my story adventures of a WAW!

[christarn]

Bryan,
In the first few weeks that I left, I lived with my sister. My H and I talked on a regular basis. I even agreed to do MC. Looking back, it was a tit for tat, who could get in the lowest blow type session. I remember I didn't say much, and I said I felt as if my H was smothering me, calling and texting all the time...and how I wanted some space to make a decision. She told him to talking, texting, calling until we had our next session. We made an appointment for our next session, and I was all set to go....and the phone bill came. He had been calling and texting his ex-girlfriend, while telling me how badly he wanted things to work out. So instead of going to the second MC session, I went and visited a lawyer and filed for D. Not the wisest of decisions looking back. But hind sight is always 20/20!

All of that being said, after I filed, I had sooooo much anger and resentment toward my H, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. He called me a few times to ask me what I "wanted" and to see if this was really the road I wanted to go down. I would just get more angry with him, the more he bothered me. I think him giving up on me, and me seeing him GAL, getting the bike, and hearing our mutual friends talking about him all of the time really started to get to me. It was about this time, when I started to realize the decisions that I had made, were not so smart afterall.

I totally agree with your decision about dating. I am not dating either. For me, I think/feel it would be one more obstacle to overcome if/when we work our R/M out. Also, I don't feel it is fair to put somebody in the middle of this craziness, as the minute my H called, I would be gone. So as for now, I am just having fun getting back to being me, and figuring out just exactly who "me" truly is.

As for where your wife's head is.....I'm going to presume she is just extremely overwhelmed. That is how I felt. I felt as if we were simply roomates in our house. We had stopped sleeping together 6 months prior to me leaving. For us being so young, we had only ML 2-3 times during that 6 month period. There were so many issues, I just simply felt as if he didn't care, so therefore, I didn't care. We stopped talking to eachother. He would come home and stay in the garage. I would come home and stay in the den. He didn't even tell me he was going to go on vacation, I found that out from one of his friends, it was truly an overwhelming, emotionally painful experience. In 2006, he told me to leave "his" house a total of 8 times. Each time, put me closer to the door. And like I said, him getting a ride to another party, and texting the ex-girlfriend put the icing on the cake. That was in October, the day before our 2 year wedding anniversary. About one month later, I made up my mind it was time to leave. The holidays were awful, we spent them apart, him with his family and me with mine. I was depressed and was taking a med. that wasn't working for me. I talked with many friends/family and granted they all meant well, but I think I trusted people with extremely intimate details of my M, which I should not have done. I received advice from several people, even his mother told me to leave. The irony...now she tells him he would be stupid to work it out. So, I guess what I am trying to express is, your W, is probably overwhelmed, and isn't sure how to deal with all of the feelings she is going thru. She may feel hurt, angry and even depressed; it is truly hard to say. She also may be talking to people about your R/M, and her friends/family may mean well....but as I learned, they only get one side of the story, and friends/family of that person, will support her...and if she is thinking about a D, they will support/help her with that.(hope that makes sense?)

Sorry for the length! I had a good weekend. Went out with some girlfriends, hit all of my local establishments....no sign of the H. Go figure!!! The first time I go out in a couple months, and he'd been in town past 2 weekends, and nothing!!!

Thanks so much for the prayers. I will continue to pray for you and your sitch as well. It's nice to know I'm not the only one "standing" for my M. As I have said before, I will continue to fight for my H/R/M until God places it on my heart to move forward.

Take care, sorry for the length!
hugs
christa