My first post - Dday#2 and separating

[stillbreathing]

Had a few days of peacefulness and was finally starting to feel like I was coming into acceptance of everything. Last night I went over to my friends house and as I sat there I started to mourned how my whole life is different, not just my home and marriage. There were a lot of people there and no one asked about things. Everyone knows but no one knows how to bring it. I know they all have questions. H's best friends girlfriend ended up coming over and although she was nice she just didn't know how to treat me. I know h has talked to both of them a lot. I ended up leaving early because it just got to be too much. They are all loving people but its sad how my life feels different.

This morning I was chatting with H about groceries and taxes, etc and he started to quiver. I pretended not to notice and just went about our conversation. I think he knew i was about to exit gracefully and he said "can I say something?" and I still acted oblivious to his emotions and said "sure" He said "I love you. And i guess that's really all. I don't know if will change anything in the end, but these past few days all I have wanted to do is wrap my arms around you and tell you I'm sorry and I love you. I've never lied about that. I've always loved you." And I smiled and said ok and thank you and walked away. I went to my room, locked the door, turned up the stereo and sobbed.