Cake eating or progress?

[Trixi]

journaling:
first the background- I am VERY shy about nakedness. I don't mind if my H is naked (at all ), but otherwise, I prefer that people be pretty covered up. Regarding my own body, I am VERY shy- embarrassed by the stretch marks and cellulite. Even when I was skinny and had no stretch marks, though, I was not one that was comfortable being undressed.

I knew it bothered my H that I am so shy, but I also knew that he had 'fantasies' of being with a hot bodied woman, so that sort of added to my insecurities. I felt like I couldn't measure up.

Recently (even prior to the news about the girls) I have been working on being less inhibited. And since the news about the girls, I have actually taken it to the next level. I may not have a perfect body (or even close to it) but it's the only one I have and I know how to use it. To my H's credit, he has been being very verbally and nonverbally complimentary of my body lately and that has boosted my confidence.

After my last post, I went to take a shower. After I was done, he came in the bathroom while I was doing my hair, wearing a towel. The room is VERY bright (huge skylight) and the "old me" would have made him leave the room when he tried to take my towel. (bright light is not very great on the back of the legs-ugh) Anyway, I let him take the towel and he dried some spots I missed. yadda yadda yadda...3rd time in 14 hours that we ML. 2nd time in 4 hours.

I am proud that in the worst possible light, I didn't hide myself- even though there was a part of me that was VERY scared- and I let him look at me. And much to my (happy) surprise, he initiated ML, even though we had just done it 4 hours earlier.

I know it probably sounds silly to most everyone else, but for me, this was huge. I felt very vulnerable. And he accepted/wanted me even in the clear light of day (literally). WOW!