H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

Thanks seek, Yes i have been quiet and sitting still and thinking. One day i'm ok the next i'm not. One day i'm hopeful for a reconciliation, next day i'm not. Then I think would I want H back considering all the lies, deceit and long term plans he has had for himself and the fact that he doesn't love me? Most days i think no, some days i think yes.

I requested that H leave me alone for 4 weeks and for the most part he has, but tonight i received 3 emails in succession, now bearing in mind H is not a thinker and never planned to far ahead (well not with me) he is planning the summer timetable for the boys already, what holiday he wants to have with them, giving notice at the nursery for S2, i can bearly think about tomorrow let alone the summer.

The following is one of the emails i'd like some advice on:


''I know you mentioned 4 weeks and I realize there is no right or wrong or a good time to discuss things however I would like if possible to discuss matters relating to finances, business and the houses.

It would not be a point in which to make decisions only a starting point in which we can start to move forward on the above.

I will put down a few ideas and ways in which I would like to move forward purely as starting point for a discussion.

The business - I would still like the business to go limited and for us both to become equal shareholders in the ownership of the business. I'm sure we can take the business forward and earn more. For the amount of effort we have to do for it, it still earns a great amount of money.

I also think that making it a limited company will renew our enthusiasm for it especially as we shall be both having an income from it.

The house - there are many ways forward, the first thing to be addressed is the value of both properties - this has to be done as a starting point for discussion of finance.



I don't think the French place will sell - Frazer has had viewings on his and has alterered his terms of use and undercut our price and has told the estate agent not to tell me anything about his property and to denigh its even on the market!!

-A great friend eh.

I will be trying to alter out terms of use to make it more marketable and I will have to reduce the price further - but won't do it without consulting you.

Talking to Tizzi nothing seems to be moving and property is all standing still due to the world economic climate.



One of my suggestions is to sell the House in (hometown)and for you to have all the money from it and I will also give you a large amount of money to top it up - you should have between 140 to 160,000 in hard cash - the French house will be signed over to me and I will have to rent in the UK for the foreseeable future until the French place finishes its 9 yr lease or until it sells.

If it is signed over to me you can still use it with the boys for skiing holidays etc etc.

It's just a shame we dropped a big boob with the French place.



Another alternative would be for you to take on the house in the UK but you would have a massive mortgage and really think it would be a bad idea - you need to enjoy life and get away from having to work all gods hours to pay the mortgage - there are lots more reasons why you should sell - I think you should have your own house - no one else's and you could quite easily afford a house like (our friends name)- a detached 3 bed - you would have an income around £25/£30,000.



Another reason is that currently our mortgage is nearly all interest only 90% of it is. This means that we are not paying off hardly any capital what so ever and even if you wait another 12 yrs until S2 is 16 we will still owe what we currently owe now - approx £170000.

Both of us by then will be too old to have a mortgage and unable to even afford a house like your moms.



I would also like to set up savings for the boys and be able to give them experiences like the holidays like we have done for the girls. I have given the girls everything I could afford and I would really like to do the same for S1 & 2. If we remain the same paying out all this money we will not be able to.



I am not trying to bu**sh*t you or pull a fast one I would if possible quite simply like to start discussions.

Solicitors cost a lot of money - I don't want to start paying big solicitors bills - if possible I would like to come to a solution happy to us both then we can go through a solicitor/ mediator to make sure its all above board and fair to us both.

Could you let me know what you think please - even if you want to leave it for a while - I will be more than happy to meet or to discuss over email''.



I have been thinking that i would like to stay in this house for at least 12 months. I feel it's too soon to be making big decisions like this.

My gut instinct is that he wants the house sold in order to relieve some of his finiancial burden. He seems to want answers asap, bim, bam, bosh, done and dusted and i'm not feeling ready for that upheaval. He has had months to plan what he wants and I feel i'm still reeling/numb whatever from the news of his affair, however fair he thinks he may have acted.

We are dealing with 3 things here, 2 properties and a business.

I haven't replied to his email yet.