Recently, our MC said that we all know quite well how to complain and critisize, but that a good rule of thumb in a M is one compliment or statement of praise for every "negative".
Wow, your MC is VERY lenient!
Everything that I've heard runs more along the line of FIVE positives for every negative!!
It CAN be very tough to do, to get practiced at praising. We seemed to have had more practice at the other way in the past!
Start out with VERY small stuff at first, even if it's just inside of your head. Begin to notice things like the cap being back on the toothpaste, the toilet seat behind down, the clothes making it to the laundry room, etc., etc. Get the ball rolling towards more thoughts about positive behaviours.
When you catch yourself noticing the negative stuff, stop and ask yourself, "Is this behaviour an exception, or a rule?". I don't think that anybody ALWAYS or NEVER does a certain thing. Think of a time when the behaviour was positive, and appreciate that. If the behaviour leans more towards the negative side most of the time, don't let any good stuff go unnoticed by you.
Start inside of your head, practice it a lot there, and I think it'll be easier to put the praises into words, and more importantly, into actions.
What stuff about your partner seems to bother you the most? How can you "reframe" some of these thoughts to see the 180 side of it?
If you think that they're too "flighty", might you be able to look at their "free-spirit"? If you see them as too "rigid", might you be able to admire their "sense of structure and stability"?
Start working with some of these ideas, and see what you can come up with!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
