Well of course I did my first major backslide cos I asked h if he was taking joint leave with his ow and he said yes....So I decided to tell him what I thought of what he did. He said I said it all before and I said I may have but now I can say it knowing the truth. I asked him if he was happy and he said he is very happy. I asked if he got everything he wanted and he said no - no because we are not divorced and he wants the rest of his stuff.
He met this girl in March, by November he was living with her. He claims it was not the reason he left. He says last 2 years of m were hell. I believe that there were difficult times with learning to look after a new baby and living at my parents but funny how he was relatively happy until he met her. I validated his response that she is not the reason he left but I added that it became part of the reason as u dont leave unless you have someone to go to. I told him he never ever worked on us and he sabotaged me at every corner. I also told him to stop painting me as evil as I am a kind and loving person and he knows that. I am entitled to have feelings and express them. I also asked him if he was surprised that I did not arrive at his doorstep ranting and raving and assurred him that i never ever will.
I feel awful after phoning him!!!!!!!!!
So here I am. I actually want to file for D as my gut feeling has been correct the entire time! I believe that my h is like one of those that are spoken about in DB the ones who stand head strong. I think he really is a cold and heartless human being. He is on leave for a week and is not going to see his d more cos he is resting (but he has taken joint leave with ow). He has no real idea about how to truely, unconditionally love. I love my h and always will. As I told him I wish I could hate him but I cant. I don't think he will ever come back. I will probably regret this decision but how much must I take. Do I deserve a man that would do this? Do I wait until he files so he can get married? Who says that he cant come back after we are divorced, is that not a clean slate? In our conversation he told me I had undone all the work we had done to get along and get into a better place, do I always have to tiptoe around him when he is the one doing this? Problem is is that I don't want to be alone but I don't want to wait years and possibly meet someone and then file, because that should not be the reason.And I don't want be alone.
