I took S15 to the disused airfield where you can pay to let your kids drive your car on private land. It means they can get a bit of practice before they reach the age of being old enough for a licence. For a first time he did well. We both enjoyed it but we were both exhausted afterwards!
Last night H brought S15 home (he went there for his tea). He came in to see the girls but only D12 was in. He only came as far as the hall and stayed long enough to say hello and goodbye to D12. I stayed in the lounge and he neither said hello or goodbye to me.
After he left S15 came in and said 'Didn't you want to see Dad?' I said I did but it was clear that H didn't want to see me and that was why I had stayed in the lounge. After he went to his bedroom I suddenly thought that perhaps S15 had encouraged his dad to come in so that I could see him. So I called him down again to ask him if this was the case. He said it wasn't, it just that H wanted to see the girls. I said that's ok then I just didn't want you to think that if you had engineered your dad coming in to see me that your efforts had been wasted. He thanked me for the consideration.
This morning MIL came to visit. She comes about once a month now. Gradually she is decreasing her visits but to be honest that is fine. She no longer treats me like a daughter so I no longer expect to see her. Anyway whilst she was here D12 asked if she could ring her dad. I said yes of course she could. She wanted to ring him to ask if she could borrow his two tents for her birthday in May. She wants me to take her and few friedns camping for the weekend to celebrate. It will actually be quite expensive for me to do that but I didn't say anything b/c deep down I knew H would say no to her borrowing the tents. Anyway she phoned him and asked him. He umed and aahed. He said don't you think you and your friends are a little young to be going camping by yourselves? D12 said we won't be by ourselves Mum will be with us. He immediately said in that case no you cannot borrow the tents. They aren't just mine! D12 pointed out how petty that was being and accused him of spoiling her birthday. He said he wasn't, they argued the toss for a few mins and then she hung up.
Our phone is in the hallway and so MIL and I had no choice but to overhear all of this. MIL asked what had happened when she heard D12 slam the phone down and I gave her the gist of the convo. I didn't say anything bad about H I just said that everytime D12 asks H for anything he always says no. I told her how the girls think H is only interested in S15. Before she had chance to say anything I said I knew how hard it was for H b/c the girls don't want to see OW but did say that I thought he should make more effort. She agreed it was difficult but didn't comment on the rest! It was a difficult convo for both of us and so I said 'Well this is his choice, we have no say in the matter so we just have to get on with life'. She mumbled an agreeance and then I changed the convo. It remains to be seen if she says anything to H about this. I doubt it as she has always been a conflict avoider.
MIL also said she might not come to D17s 18th birthday in a couple of weeks as it is fancy dress and she didn't want to feel out of placa. I pointed out to her that the fancy dress was optional and said I didn't think my parents would be wearing fancy dress (although I'm not entirely sure). She said she would think again. I can't believe a grandmother would not attend her eldest granchild's birthday party purely on whether she will feel left out or not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's bad enough that D17 still doesn't know whether H will condesend to attend.
Vent and rant over
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
