While I blame my W's lack of commitment to her attempt at reconciliation as the primary reason for its failure, I also accept the fact that my shortcomings in acting "as if" during that time didn't help us either during that time. It is very hard. Most of the time you won't feel "as if." You will feel like a doormat. You will feel like it isn't fair and you are doing all the work. But it is the best path to take if H is ever going to realize what he gave up for the OW fantasy-R.
Wow, gForce. You pegged my entire summer/fall in one paragraph!!! I 'as if'ed' WAY too much.
There really is no "as if" when you are so devastated and hurt. But L, you can just take care of yourself, distance yourself from your H at this point. Not in a hostile way, but just in a way that YOU have more peace. Don't be hateful, but don't offer the support/love you always have, because he isn't in a spot to receive it. gForce is right, being angry/playing the victim will just 'justify' to your H that he is doing the right thing (by leaving you).
I have done the snooping thing, finding something that hurts so much, but I can't look away from it. Its awful. I remember the shaking, the exhaustion, not being able to focus on anything. Being around H would hurt me so much, but being away from him hurt as well. I am so sorry for your pain.
