First of all, I'm really sorry you had such a horrible evening. I've never sugarcoated things with you before, and I won't start now. Your husband is out of control, and you're enabling his boorish behavior.
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Called to say he met up with some friends(his birthday) he would be home in a half hour. At 4 I texted him to ask if I should bother putting on the roast I had bought for his birthday dinner, he said yes.
I don't know how your household works, but in ours, the onus is on the person NOT there to let the person who IS there, and who is making dinner, if -- and what time -- they are going to be home. But OK, let's set this one aside for the moment . . .
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At 5 I texted to let him know it was done and waiting.
This is "pursuing" behavior. Please stop it.
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At 6 I went and took my D to my parents house since we were supposed to be going out together and one way or another I figured it was still better D4 wasn't home.
GOOD!!!
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At 7 I decided to get ready to go out and went to the bar to buy H a beer instead of sitting home stewing.
Why are those your only two options? D4 was being taken care of, you should have left the food on the table, beautifully set, candles burnt down to the stumps and snuffed out for good dramatic effect, and went out and did something for NEECY, and NOT let your husband know where you are going. Why do you keep pursuing him? Can you see where this is not helping you?? He boorishly blows you off, when YOU are there making him a birthday dinner, and then you go chase him and buy HIM, a beer? WTF???
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H got all mad that I was trying to pick them up and left. I realized he was gone and left as well.
When we were kids, we used to call this "ditching" someone. Nice. What man does this to his own WIFE, and why would you later bail him out after he had done this to you??
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Well he wasn't at home so I continued driving towards the adjacent town where OW lives.
Why???
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On my way I get a call from H to come get him. He has been pulled over by the police. It was almost exactly where I was so I pulled right in.
How convenient and helpful for him, that you were there to rescue him, after he'd sh!t on you all night. Even if you misplayed every other aspect of the evening, the week, the month or the past YEAR of your ordeal, this was a Gift from Heaven, a Door Opening Wide, and you missed it. You should have said "Husband, I'm so sorry you're not having a good evening, and thank God you're safe. I'm kinda busy right now, and I won't be able to bail you out. In fact, I'm done 'bailing you out' of a ALL of your poor decision-making lately. I'm going to go pick up our daughter, and make sure she's cared for tonite. Sleep it off in jail."
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He only charged him with speeding, he said he should have charged DUI but it would have resuled in losing his DL for a year and 10 - 15000 in fines. Very strict in Ontario.
Oh good. So the law enforcement authorities enable his bad behavior, too. How helpful. NOT!!!
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On the way home he threw everything in his pockets at me, threw the car into neutral a couple of times, grabbed the wheel and jerked it, broke the windshield wiper control right off ripped out the wires and everything. And in the midst of my shreaking and yelling told me that he hated me and tried to choke me at one point. He has never been the least bit violent or even nasty drunk or otherwise, he has never said anything like that before.
Neecy, you are too good of a woman to have to deal with crap like this!!] You should have pulled over, told him to get out of the car, and called the cops to come and get him and then NOT bail him out. Pressing charges against him for assaulting you, optional.
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When we got home I went inside and locked the door, he broke the lantern outside, I let him in before he broke anything else, he went in the bathroom, locked the door and threw everything around, dents in the door, broke 2 of my angels and chunks out of the drywall.
So call the cops.
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We still have to go back and get his car this morning.
What do you mean, "we", kimo sabe???
Neecy, I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to add "I'm sorry to be so harsh," and if your HUSBAND were here, BELIEVE me, I would have some choice words for him. But all we have is you, so we get to work on YOU.
I agree with what's been said about -- this is your chance to lay down some SERIOUS boundaries, and STICK TO THEM. Last nite simply cannot repeat itself, but about all you can do now is say "Husband, if that ever happens again, I will NOT bail you out," and unfortunately he's not going to take you seriously. I wouldn't.
End of 2-by-4, but if you were my dear sister, that is what I would tell you. I'm sorry you're going thru this.
