Something incredible happened yesterday at our daughter's confirmation. The family was there.. me, my husband, the kids, my two brothers. I got to the church first to get the location I liked and save seats. My husband arrived second and we chitchatted. When our sons came, I moved to the other end of the aisle to sit with my brother and have space. I later wondered if I should have stayed near my husband (possible DB opportunities to be close, etc) but then I figured, it wasn't about me that day, it was about my daughter, her time; it was about the kids and us all being together. That this first time with more than just us would be a baseline for all the future significant events in our children's lives.
When it came time for Communion, my husband stayed seated. Somewhere between getting in line for the sacrament and getting back in the row something changed in me. I wanted to sit next to my spouse. I felt it was important to be there. It wasn't a mad clanging bell going off, or some "I have to be me", "Do it for the children" response. The right place for me to be was next to him.
I had to walk all the way around, because I would have had to climb over six other people to get to where our part of the aisle started... and all my family was behind me. As I walked into the pew, I thought about letting my sons in first, but blew it off.. and just plunked by Kevin (not his name.. just tired of impersonal nouns. Kevin would have been my name if I was a boy).
I sat briefly as the kids.. my sons settled.. then remembered that we were supposed to kneel and pray. Oh my goodness I prayed.. it was like a song to the soul, initially just with words then thoughts.. then just openning.
If I think of the first part of the ceremony, lots of emotion and hurt define it, bittersweet memories, ironies. The second half of the mass, after Communion is a calm, almost unremembered, but very peaceful. What a beautiful gift I was given.. just a tranquil essence of being next to the father of my children during a significant event. Something in the moment. Being a family for that moment in time.
