Well, later today she seems to be happier. I've been really busy today with work and she's come into my office a few times to tell me things. Usually she ignores me all the time.
Now she's being more communicative. Just a little, not a lot.
She does need to work it out herself but it is so darn hard to watch the one you love broken and in pieces and not *do* something.
Less is more though right?
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Let her be. Let her roast in the despair that she has created for herself. Great reaction and a great pull out of the nosedive.If she wants it to work, she's the only one who can, Frank. Our vote doesn't count in this election, and we have no superdelegates to bail us out!
Today she's cleaning the house, very happy to be living here I guess.
A few minutes ago she asks me a question, whether or not I was thinking of taking a job in Phoenix, because I had mentioned to D17 that a friend told me about it. I told D17 I wasn't going to because I didn't want to move the kids, or myself away from them.
I explained that to W, who just said she was wondering because I hadn't said anything to her.
Then she goes on to ask about tax filing, what am I going to do. How bad off are we financially. She was calm but seemed depressed about it all.
I told her that yes, we do have a lot of debt, and that I don't need to take a job and move because there are people who would like to do business with me. I said that I've had to recover from being sick for so long and I had to do it on my own, with the help of my many friends of course.
I told her that I know I will recover financially and that my goal is to make it so I don't need HER money, so she can LEAVE.
She seemed melancholy about the whole situation. She agreed that she sees that I'm getting better, and nodded her head when I said I wanted her to LEAVE. She said she was sorry for putting me on the spot, she was just asking for information, not trying to make me feel bad.
That ended that conversation, and I left her alone.
A little later I saw her and she was 'happy' again. She was telling me how the girls don't talk to her any more about stuff, and that D12 told her she was worried that she and mom don't 'connect' as well as she and I do. She tried to act like it didn't bother her, but it does. Neither girl relates to her right now. W told me that it's probably just a 'cycle' they are going through. I didn't offer any explanations or advice.
So, here we are. She is very pleasant, smiles, makes eye contact. We're becoming the best of friends when we DO interact. I keep my distance because I don't want the interactions to make me hopeful.
At least the anger is gone. But she's still leaving. And she's not emotionally supporting me in any way. I guess we'll just become the best of friends.
I finished another project last night. Just thought I'd mention that.
Or, maybe she will leave and you will simply become amicable coparents frank.... .
Not for nothing, but one day of wallowing will not be the end of it. I imagine there will be several tests coming your way. Are you ready to be strong enough to not be her savior?
I read the comment you made to her the same way as Amy did and it worried me a bit. I will buy your answer that it was a statement, for now, but watch that crap when she slides again. Not for nothing, but don't give her any reason to feel rewarded for her decisions either. you understand? The whole thanks for screwing up our marriage, it has made me a better person....blech.....
You know the routine at this point Frank, be lovingly detached. Your not her best friend, your her husband who she has chosen to leave. Reality is, she doesnt need you to be her savior.
Not for nothing, but one day of wallowing will not be the end of it. I imagine there will be several tests coming your way. Are you ready to be strong enough to not be her savior?
Yes, no problem with that at all. Unless she is totally losing it she is on her own.
Quote:
I read the comment you made to her the same way as Amy did and it worried me a bit. I will buy your answer that it was a statement, for now, but watch that crap when she slides again. Not for nothing, but don't give her any reason to feel rewarded for her decisions either. you understand? The whole thanks for screwing up our marriage, it has made me a better person....blech.....
Yes, I am making sure that I do NOT spin any of this as a positive. She has done some real damage here and it's going to take ME some time to recover for myself and my girls.
Quote:
You know the routine at this point Frank, be lovingly detached. Your not her best friend, your her husband who she has chosen to leave. Reality is, she doesn't need you to be her savior.
Yes, I had a twinge of 'hopefulness' but it went away. I guess it's better to be 'getting along' than having to deal with the anger all the time.
Yes, I had a twinge of 'hopefulness' but it went away. I guess it's better to be 'getting along' than having to deal with the anger all the time.
Thats exactly it Frank, the anger sucks and to be honest it hurts no one but yourself. I like to use the word amicably.....
I treat my wife as a business associate, I dont have to like her, but I do need to be amicable in order to not cause friction in our business relationship.
...and I couldn't say it better than sofar did frank.
No more babysteps.
It's more like: today, her behavior towards me was positive and anyday that she treats me this way and we get along and parent OK...is a better day than when she treats me like bird guano.
Star Trek..Spectres of the Gun..if you believe the bullets are real, they will kill you.
Yes, frank...let her work out her life herself now. Still, you don't have to be nasty or 'throw her out'. You just need to be you and start to enjoy the feeling of having more control of your life. When you start doing things because YOU want to...without concern of how she will react..and when you can do things nice for her, because on THAT day you WANT TO without needing to ...then, you there. And..from what I hear...it sounds like you are on your way.
Don't forget...expect bad days. They happen. We all get them. They will become less....fewer and far between.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, here's a new one. I've had a pretty crappy day with various egos needing massaging among my business situations. So I've been a little focused on my own stuff.
So W comes into my office and asks me if I'm 'all right because I seem a little prickly'. So I tell her I'm fine, and relate some of the crap I'm dealing with in a non angry way.
She acts like she cares, but still maintains her 'distance'. Still, it was very interesting. Like she thought I was mad at HER. But why should she care?
Anyway, it was interesting. Kinda humorous in hindsight.
Similar stuff here frank: -asking to read written papers -checking on physical things, like, a lump, bump or cut -inquiring where I was, what time did I get home..while in the middle of this D process; why should she care?
Expect moments of 'lucidity'....but read them as simply that.
"You'll be OK." FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
