I guess it is an affair, but maybe just not cheating since it is not a secret. You know I have though many time of doing the D myself just because of the fact I feel the affair is so disrespectful to the M.
Hi Soul mate, it doesn't really matter how you label it, it is what it is. At the very least your wife has been honest with you-to your knowledge- which allows you to make decisions based on the actual situation. Many of us here are struggling with the same decisions you are while uncertain what in the heck their spouses are doing.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I guess it is an affair, but maybe just not cheating since it is not a secret.
An affair does not have to be secret to be cheating. If your spouse is being unfaithful, openly or not, then they are betraying the vows of the M. They're cheating both the M and their marriage partner of what they made a covenant, before God and witnesses, to uphold.
In more secular terms, they have breached a contract and cheated their contract partner.
Great point, NoCode. It would be the equivalent of entering into a contract to build a house for a man, in exchange for $150,000, then taking his money, and informing him that "I'm not going to finish the house. Instead, I'm going to take all of my building materials and laborers and put them to work building a house for someone else. But at least I'm letting you know -- OK?"
Wow, I was just thinking... can you even imagine how much higher the divorce rate would be if everyone who had an "unfaithful" spouse got a divorce???! I don't know if ANYONE would be married!!!!!
After hanging out with my single friends, I can't even begin to tell you how often they get "hit on" by married folks. I think there are a lot more cheaters out there than most of us realize.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks and I see you points I guess the label of the behaviour does not matter its wrong no matter how you look at it.
As for what I am going to do my thread link is at the bottom if your interested. I really am just going to treat her as a friend while detatching from her, which she is making the detatching easier to do. I am going to try and keep the door open as long as I can. I also think her R with OM is currently failing, which in itself doesn't really matter unless she uses it as a chance to really come to grips with her own issues.
I know it's wrong and there's a breaking of vows, etc.... but, I do think there is value in honesty.
I suppose the only way to have avoided the whole "affair" thing... was if she had filed for divorce and then taken up the relationship once the D was final. For whatever reason... she wasn't willing to go that far....
BTW, Soul mate, I looked over your sitch and I think you are doing remarkably well. Good mental state.... Although I think anyone who reads Kierkegaard would...
Last edited by runningoutoftime; 04/07/0806:44 PM.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
