Midst of D, R even further on the downswing

[No_More_Dodo]

ND,

Check out the following:

http://www.divorcecare.com/

No_More_Dodo.

[NoDirection]

I have not gotten too crazed about it. Long durations of time have been difficult. Our court proceeding on MOnday is regarding custody and visitation and it will soon have some structure to everything.

I do agree that once she gets a taste of the "single life" and get over punishing me, she will begin to leave him with me more. I am also holding out for the day where our S tells her that he wants to live with me. That is years off but I know that day will eventually come.

The only people my STBX has had stay in her life for any long duration, see her once a month and family. Anyone close to her is gone after some duration of time because she either pushes them away or they leave on their own.

[NoDirection]

NMD,
Thank you for that link. I will defintely look into it.

It has gotten beyond surreal now. I had my court date on the 24th and nothing was determinied then except that we have to come back on the 9th to finally be heard. Now my STBX is on a kick to get me out of the house. She is now using our S as a bargaining chip to try and get me out of the house. I have seen my son for about 10 minutes in the last three weeks.

I want to move out, to see my son but I do not trust that she would actually follow through with this. The 9th can not get here soon enough...

[runningoutoftime]

Are you still living with her? Speak with your lawyer first before making any decisions and try to stay out of her way. Maybe be away from home as much as possible. Do you know where you are going when all is done? Start focusing on that. Try to stay positive. Detach detach detach..

[NoDirection]

I have detached. We are still living under the same roof on paper but she has basically moved out to the apartment complex where all her friends live. When we were both home, the only conversation was about our S.

The only reason I have held on to the house is because she has lived in the apartment complex for the last 4 months and even if I did move out, her behavior would not change. I even think the OM, who owrks nearby, would simply move in. I have made mention to my lawyer that the house truly is not high on my priority list and that the only reason that I wanted to stay in it was to keep some continuity for our S. Since he has slept there once in the last 3 weeks, it really does not matter.

I have been staying positive, staying around good people, and even looking at the possibility of dating again. The only thing that is really a burden right now is the fact that I have not seen our S. She has let me see him this week but we go to court next week and she wants to show that she is trying to work with me.

We will see how it turns out...

[runningoutoftime]

If you own the house, can you afford to buy her out? It may be to your benefit to keep it if possible, and it may help with custody. Owning a house may help make you look "more stable" and responsible in court. You might want to consult your attorney about this.

[NoDirection]

We are actually renting the house. I am going after it in order to have some stability for my son. I will be mvoing closer to my family as well as the preschool I want to enroll him in but I want the house because she has stopped living there for the last month completely. Even before that she was home maybe three night a week, if that...

[runningoutoftime]

I see.... yes, I agree with you. I think it's good that you try to stay in that house for now. It will show stability. I know you are young and are tempted to date, but if I were you I'd wait until this was all over before getting involved with anyone. Although it's a no-fault state, you really will look better in court if you are out dating or putting a lot of focus on your love life (showing that all your efforts and thoughts are with your child... that would look good!). There's plenty of time and opportunity later. Also, I think it's best to heal first so you don't have baggage for the next relationship. Give it the time and growth so it will be a healthier one. Gosh, I sound like some annoying big sister or something! Sheesh!!!

[NoDirection]

No, not an annoying sister, but someone who is giving solid advice. I am not out on the prowl by any means, I am honestly happy with simply taking to the opposite sex. I have not had a real conversation with a W for quite some time. I really do not want to get into anything serious while this is going on. It would not be fair to that person.

The catch with the stability aspect is that he has stayed in the house one night in the last three weeks. She has taken him down to the apartments she stays at in Newport. I would rather move somewhere else but again for stability reasons, I am fighting for the house.

There are only 5 days left before we go to court for a temporary custody order and I am looking forward to the stability that will bring. It just can not come soon enough...

[runningoutoftime]

Good luck to you in court! It sounds like you have a good attitude and wisdom as well.

I think talking with women and even meeting some you might want to date eventually is fine and healthy. I know when I was in divorce I met some guys I thought might have future dating potential. But like you, I didn't feel it was fair to get involved with anyone until the divorce was final. Hey, if it's meant to be they will still be there when you are ready... and if not.... well, it wasn't meant to be.

I think focusing on your son and custody, getting through whatever legal stuff you need to, and taking care of yourself is probably the best course.

But don't forget to stay calm, emotionally detached (read up on detachment in this forum... there is really helpful stuff here), and concentrate on keeping everything very business-like and emotion-free in court (regardless of what W does!!!). Always take the "high road." You will come across as more mature and responsible.