Standing Silently

[Holly06]

Hi friends,

I am a sad puppy these days. I was so close to piecing, that I thought I was there. At this point TJ is scared, and back to wanting a D. That is after he gets an all clear, you got it together from a counselor.
I think he has heard it from many sources, "you need help, man."

So I sit here, going dark. I believe it is the right thing to do. I can heal, and I can get my perspective back. I am combing over old material that helped me 2 years ago.
TJ is classic MLC. He felt love for me and it scared him. I DB, and I have to say it got me to this place that TJ is so troubled with. This is all his problem, I know that. I did everything right.
I was real with him.
So now, I am going dark. I am not sure if that is a last resort, or if I am just close to the last resort.
I guess I am going to Stand Silently.

I will not take any calls from him. I will not tell our D's about the latest developments, he will have to do that again.
I will not assist in the D, he will have to do it again.

My nagging questions are these:

1. By being his friend, the D was dismissed. He was not ready to do the work needed to work on our M. It did work. Do I do this again, or go with my gut and say, he is beginning to cake eat?

2. After much thought prayer, and encouragement from trusted friends, I took a chance to end the D proceedings. It worked, but lets face it I am right back here. I told him that I believed in us, in him and thought if he gave us a chance, then we could be happy together...... so we were reconcilling......
but I was serving as a reverse bandaide, if you will, as he got out of the R with OW. Now, he runs. He changes his mind like a girl, and the tides will turn, but.../


did I interfer in his MLC? I just let him know my feelings and the way I see it. I really didn't think or know it would work, I was just satisfying a need in me to do everything I could to keep my M. I actually sent the voicemail from my C office, with his encouragement......

Overall, I find that leaving it to God works the best. Be the best Holly I can be, and enjoy every minute, and do what is right and good.
If I trust him, I have a bountiful life, with or without TJ.
I just trust that God hates divorce. He will move TJ to be a better man, and he is not satisfied with TJ's lack of faith and spirit.
If we are best together, it will happen.
I am just a sad puppy right now.

Thanks for listening,
Holly