Hi all been a while cos I have been so busy this week with work and life. H did some baby-sitting on Thursday night. Between sunday and thursday he was extremely cold towards me. On Thursday when I got home I brought him a cup of take away coffee, all of a sudden he was chatting away - spoke for an hour. Somewhere in the conversation he said that he was looking for a new place to stay, I assumed alone!!! Wrong, later I asked something and he replied that ow and her exboyfriend were fighting over furniture so my h will be buying new stuff or will take what I dont want. I asked oh you moving with her and he said yes. Thought I was close but no!
When he arrived today to get some of his stuff I decided to ask some questions, he said no we not discussing this so I made it clear that he has clarity and I still don't knnow what has happened in the last 6 months. Through my two questions which I asked and requested simple straightforward truth this is what i got............... My h was fetching ow every morning and going to work together and then taking her home. He did not tell me cos I would not understand (maybe I would have said oh that's nice of you????, but instead I said to him you chose to lie, he replied yes). Anyway maybe I would have had reason to say no it is not okay! (funny how his innocent lift club became my replacement) Two weeks after leaving me the ow dumps her boyfriend, finds a flat and my h moves in with her. My h tells me he is living with friend. A few times I asked him to be honest, he looked me in the eyes and lied, lied, lied. One occassion I begged him to tell the truth because I knew, he told me I was so wrong and carried on about how I jump to conclusions. 5 and a half months later the truth comes out. I asked why he went to counselling with me for three months and literally lied his way through it. He said he was thinking of coming home, he was waiting 4 an answer, I said maybe if he had told the truth we would not have wasted all that time. I also asked him if he actually understood what he was doing to me all that time, the mind games he was playing with me. and i stressed that he could not have been making up his mind - if he was enjoying new love, fresh kisses and new exciting sex why would he come back to 9 month old crying baby and me who he had cheated on- he was never thinking about it. I said all of this without any shouting and no tears.
So here I am my h told me nothing was wrong, was working hard but was actually having his affair, moved out and moved in with ow 2 weeks later and has never looked back. Am I wasting my time? Can someone with shiny object syndrome really look back and realise we were better than what he has now? If I file for D will I have a life of regret or do I give ow the power to get him to file for D when she wants to marry him? Or do I wait to see his new r does not work out and have him come back tainted and no longer the pure man he was. Can I do all of this again of he had to come back which he has stated clearly that he never will. How do I ever learn to trust when he has been so mean etc. I think my h has been the one of the worst ww on the db forum!
Some pearls of wisdom from my fellow db'rs would be great.
