The Longest Journey

[SDFoundGirl]

But your message to him muust be clear - OW is out. You owe him that b/c you may become the WAW in his eyes - he thinking everything is okay and then the bomb.

I am so proud you are not quitting. But OW is not acceptable in a healthy M.

An EA is as bad as a PA. I learned that here.

Huggs.

Hi Jeff,

You know, thank you. Yes, it was at least a one-sided EA. Yes, it took his attention away from working on the M because SHE was going to solve all of his problems. So, thank you.

I have made it abundantly clear to him that any non-work contact with LW is unacceptable. I can handle that...what I cannot handle is him having a social relationship with him. I spelled it out as clearly for him in MC as I did here. Brought up a phone call she made to him on the weekend while we were out...he didn't answer his phone, but I KNEW from his body language that it was her...plus H always answers his phone. The MC told him that was inappropriate--whatever she had to tell him (even the thank you she was calling for b/c of H's work at an event she'd headed) could wait until Monday. MC told H that no matter what HE thought about the issue, this R and behavior and HIS failure to set boundaries w/her was harming our M, so if he valued the M, he needed to man up.

The boundaries I posted here are the exact ones I read and gave a copy to H. If he doesn't understand that...well, then he doesn't want to. And then I have my answer, right?

I have to say, he's gone above and beyond since that session. *I* need to do my part and really focus on where he's improving...that's the only way I'm going to be able to drop my defenses at all.

Thanks so much for your input and insight...you've been a good friend since the bomb and I've learned so much from you. I only hope you are finding happiness and release yourself.

SD