SD - thanks especially for the comment on detaching from the outcome. For some reason that wasn't "clicking" in my head and that helped a ton. (oh and I hafta tell you, your "hot monkey sex" comment made me laugh then gag... I'm taking it as a good thing that I was able to laugh at it for a sec ). I was having a very hard time picturing how to do this calmly and that detaching thought really helped.
Glad I could help. Really, the longer I'm at this, the more I realize that staying detached is the most important skill we can learn as we go through this process. It's when I'm NOT detached that things feel bad or are bad.
Because, though we are married, we *are* still separate people. And no matter what the TV shows and movies tell us, we ultimately only have control--or should--over ourselves. When I let go of trying to control how H acts/thinks/whatever, *I* am better. I can make clear decisions.
Good luck with your talk!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
). I was having a very hard time picturing how to do this calmly and that detaching thought really helped. 