No one to turn to- 2

[addie]

Thanks Kalni - we're all on that rollercoaster ride. I've been following your thread but haven't posted much on it the last couple of days either.

Last night I went out with my wine course "buddies" as a final celebration with wine and food. Well this morning I have a bit of a hang over but very worth it because I haven't had that much fun in a while.
H came over to be with S. I was in a happy mood when I arrived but he was distant. We talked briefly about my evening - I was very upbeat. I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed and H fell asleep on the couch. I just went to sleep. A while later I heard him come into the bedroom, he tapped me on the arm but I didn't budge. He then left which is probably a good thing. Part of me resented him for leaving and not staying over like he had before, but another part knows it's best.

He called me just a little while ago. H is taking S to a team party in the afternoon and then he asked if he can come over afterwards and we could do something as a family - play a game, play cards.
He thanked me for being patient with him, apologized for being confused and what he's done to me - he's not proud of the things he's done, thanked me for being a good mother during this, doesn't want to take me for granted.
I told him:
-I've tried to understand what he's going through and I realize a lot of people go through this and survive
-I'm working on getting myself to a better place for myself and for S, either with or without H
-I've joined a support group which has helped me to understand (didn't tell him it was online support - this site)

He said he should probably read some of the books I've been reading so that he can understand. He's seen some books lying around however I've never left DR out.

I know he's still very confused. I was thinking that I've been making myself too available whenever he decides he wants to come over. He seems to respond better when I distance myself (my going out last night).
I guess I'll continue to have few expectations.