Thanks Kalni - we're all on that rollercoaster ride. I've been following your thread but haven't posted much on it the last couple of days either.
Last night I went out with my wine course "buddies" as a final celebration with wine and food. Well this morning I have a bit of a hang over but very worth it because I haven't had that much fun in a while. H came over to be with S. I was in a happy mood when I arrived but he was distant. We talked briefly about my evening - I was very upbeat. I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed and H fell asleep on the couch. I just went to sleep. A while later I heard him come into the bedroom, he tapped me on the arm but I didn't budge. He then left which is probably a good thing. Part of me resented him for leaving and not staying over like he had before, but another part knows it's best.
He called me just a little while ago. H is taking S to a team party in the afternoon and then he asked if he can come over afterwards and we could do something as a family - play a game, play cards. He thanked me for being patient with him, apologized for being confused and what he's done to me - he's not proud of the things he's done, thanked me for being a good mother during this, doesn't want to take me for granted. I told him: -I've tried to understand what he's going through and I realize a lot of people go through this and survive -I'm working on getting myself to a better place for myself and for S, either with or without H -I've joined a support group which has helped me to understand (didn't tell him it was online support - this site)
He said he should probably read some of the books I've been reading so that he can understand. He's seen some books lying around however I've never left DR out.
I know he's still very confused. I was thinking that I've been making myself too available whenever he decides he wants to come over. He seems to respond better when I distance myself (my going out last night). I guess I'll continue to have few expectations.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I find it super positive that he wants to do things as a family.
It's SOOOO funny, both of us hung over today.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Well don't get too down about your sitch. I think your H is really trying and hopefully he'll come around sooner than later. Keep him guessing and stay a little distant for sure. Even After all this time persuing still will not work.
I think you're doing great!
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
H came by to pick up S this afternoon to take him to his team's party - it's for the parents as well but I didn't go because H didn't ask me to. He arrived just as S and I were arriving from the grocery store. He helped carry in the groceries and then helped put them away. H was in a pleasant mood, much more his old self. I was the one that was distant. He said we would play cards together once they got back. I told him I was also going out while they were away but would be back around the time they arrived (didn't mention where I was going). H also said he would like to come by tomorrow afternoon to do some cooking for us and for himself for the week. I guess it's a good sign that he wants to spend time here but I don't want to be taken advantage of. I don't know that he is "cake eating" because he can't be spending that much time with OW. They see each other at work but he's spent a lot of time here otherwise. I know I shouldn't be concerned with OW but I can't help but wonder about that sitch.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
It does sound like your H is coming around & realizing what he has done. I don't blame you for being concerned about the OW but at least he is spending more time with you & S. I think you are handling things very well & I admire you.
I read the first part of this new post & I snooped too. But if I had not I would not have found out about OW. I think my H knows that I have done this b/c he made the comment that have done some underhanded things. Oh! But going behind your back & having an A is not worse that being underhanded???
Hang in there it does sound like things are improving. From what I understand in MLC they start to come back & then back away then come back again. So just stay strong & take care of you!
Our family evening did not happen last night as S ended up sleeping over at his friend's house after the party so H went back to his own place. This morning H called on his way to pick up S from friend's house. He said he had made pancakes and was bringing them over here. He also said he was going to do some cooking here in the afternoon but would have to go into work first to finish up some things for tomorrow. He said he'd like us to go for a walk together later and said he'd like to get to the driving range at some point today. I said I was also planning on taking S to the driving range since we've both started taking lessons and need the practise and I have coupons. He suggested we all go. We had breakfast. S and I got ready for church and H decided to join us. He went into work right after church.
We'll see how the rest of the day goes.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
