I fell into a bit of a hole there... and was struggling to keep it together. Have been so teary and achy all week.
Girl, I am so sorry to hear you have been in a teary-achy hole... but this is SO normal!!! I had the exact same experience... I think we all have.
Quote:
I went back and re-looked at some of the basics and realised that I was struggling to accept the separation and that my lovely H just doesnt exist anymore....And I've had to go right back to the beginning and break my time down into 1/2 blocks and think what about what I'd like to do for the next 1/2 hour.
ESSIE!! This is so GREAT!! I was getting a feeling from your threads that you were putting on a Strong Happy Single Face and maybe not dealing with the pain of being separated. It is OK to let yourself feel the pain! I think feeling it is the only way to move past it... actually a combination of letting ourselves feel it balanced with keeping busy with GAL activities. I really like the 1/2 hour blocks idea too!! You are a Queen! Also... try to remember that your lovely H *is* in there somewhere, he is just hidden under layers of pain, avoidance, bs, whatever. But he's still there... just in deep hibernation/disguise.
I also really like how you forced yourself to go out to see people you don't really know & be friendly and chatty. And how you are focusing on the positives of being single.
I actually feel for myself this time has been extremely fruitful, but I had to choose to make it that way. A big part of that, for me, has been really examining my own "issues" and going to counseling. It makes me feel so good that I am getting So Much Work Done On Myself No Matter What Happens. Especially b/c I pull the same crap with other people that I did in my R, so i can actually work on my R by learning not to pull that crap with anyone, even though TECHNICALLY SPEAKING I am not *in* an R right now!
Can you go to counseling too?
Quote:
I also rang H this afternoon about half way through sorting out in my head all the stuff above. I rang him to ask for some manly 'advice' - he was very chatty and helpful. But still closed about himself. Oh well. I felt like calling him (up until now I have only called to return his text messages) was a big enough step on my part, and that asking to see him is too huge a step and would not go over well at this stage. I hope it sends enough of a message that we can talk OK on the phone, even if seeing each other is still too hard for us both.
GOOD JOB ESSIEEEEEE!!! I am not surprised that he seems closed. I would actually take this as a good sign that he still really cares about you... otherwise, why would he need to close himself off from someone? I would experimentn with MORE of this kind of contact, because it seems to be positive for both of you.
Quote:
I think if he contacts me in less than 3 weeks it will be a baby step towards me.
Great baby step! How about we brainstorm some more? So he has more opportunities to show that he is moving closer to you? Like, "he will touch me for some reason," "he will help me with something he doesn't need to help me with," etc? Let's get a list going!
Quote:
My goals for me are to meet new people and have a great fantastic life separate from H, so that I am a complete whole person.
This is a great goal!! But I think it is actually pretty vague right now. How can we make it more specific? What will you be DOING differently when you are meeting/have met new people? When you have a great fantastic life separate from H? When you are a complete whole person? For example, what will your weekly activities look like, different from what' they're like now?
Quote:
(Having a good group of friends is what I'm lacking cause we moved countries 2 years ago).
Wow, that sounds so rough!! Which country did you move from ? Did the move play a part in setting up the crisis?
Essie, you are a great friend. You have so much love and wit and caring to share! Do you have any acquaintances you could try to upgrade to friend status? What activities would you enjoy trying where you could meet new people to hang out with? Are there ways you can connect with your old support network, even longdistance? Or could you take a GAL trip back to your old support network, as a little pick-me-up?
Quote:
I think I realised today that I wouldnt be happy if H came back now because I havent had time to make enough changes in my life.
What a cool realization!! So let's get busy, lady!!
