WOW! What an amazing report. YOu and Javier are doing a great job--I'm actually proud of both of you!
And MIL too.
You guys are still a family in a new way and it's a beautiful gift to your children!!! They are very lucky to have parents who love them so much and who are willing to give them the gift of a true parent partnership--married or not! Some married couples aren't even able to be so friendly with each other or so helpful with the children.
I know, I keep doing the cheer leading, rah rah, "look on the bright side thing" but believe me, when you are coming at it from my angle--from a place where the kids are lucky to talk to Mitch once a week or see him once a month, well, you start to really appreciate the guys who, whether they were butt-heads and left the greatest woman in the world or not, still care enough about the kids (and you) to be good to them.
I'm gonna ask Mitch to replace the light bulbs again this weekend while I'm in Chicago (he and the kids will be stopping by to feed the pets). I asked him last time (they are WAY high and he needs to get out the big ladder) and he didn't do it--big surprise! I'll keep you posted.
Love, Althea
LOVING AMY WINEHOUSE!!!!!! OMG, she is awesome. Back in Black. Go out and get the CD TODAY!!!!
TGIF! Yes, there are some definite perks for you children in putting your hurt and disappointment on the back burner, and that my dear is the difference between you an J. You are selfless. Making sure that your kids are happy and whole is more important than how you may feel about their Dad and what he's done. What could you give them that could be any better?
Wow! you truly are something, guess maybe, dont' know, one day well after he runs his arse to the court to file for D I should be able to be that amicable with 4nowH, my hat's off to you L!
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I don't get it. She is so cool and I can't imagine not wanting to spend as much time with her as I could...
that also blows my mind! I squirm in my car during my 18mile commute one way to get home so I can see my sweeties, and H goes 5days in a row without even calling them! he even shortened his time this weekend, he has them from 1-6, and today he's like "how about 1-4, I won't know what to do with them"
HUH?? eventually he'll have to have them overnight at least one night! (if he ever pays his debts and gets a place on his own which isnt' likely for at least the next year) and he wants to cut his afternoon short? grrrrrr, I won't be in a hurry to come back, will suggest some things they can do together, what a dork.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I don't know if being amicable with Javier is always the best thing for ME.
It is however, from what I can see the best thing for my children.
Do i put myself on the back burner, Yes. It is right? I really don't know.
I see it this way.
He is trying to be a nice guy. He wants to have no faults.
He is a Narcissist. I guess so. I am so not into those words, or terms. I just kinda of go with my gut. Jeepers, and my gut may be super wrong at times, and then I kind of just follow up with prayer.
Does Javier want to look like the hero? ofcourse.
Why?
Well he is a cheater, and a liar, and he abandoned his kids. His actions, ruined many many lives.
Um
He has to live with ALL of that. It must suck to wake up every morning, and put on different masks everyday, to function, with different people.
I thank God, don't have to do that. I know what I did wrong in my marriage, and boy it was plenty. I try everyday, to not be that way anymore. I slip daily, I also try to work on it daily. Well almost daily.
I do have my pity days, when i just wanna stay in bed and cry. Then one of the babies walks in, and says I love you, and well.
I get up.
I am not the best mom, the best friend, the best anything.
I just really try.
I am not judge or jury to Javier, he will have that in the end. Being accountable to me is pretty much nothing compared to what he will be accountable for, if he truly does not repent. For himself, for his children one day.
For 2 years Javier was the devil to me. It was a complete character change.
He also told me, that no matter what, he knew I would be there for him if he needed to talk to me at 3 am for any reason.
And he is right. Does that make me a jerk? Maybe. Does it give him the power to take advantage of me? Yeah, maybe.
But I do not comprise myself, and my way of being.
I will not change my heart, b/c of how much he has hurt me. I will not allow him to change the heart of Lissett.
He has told me thru tears 2 years later. I was very hard to be with. That my moral conviction, was something that he could not stand up to.
That hurt me and screwed me up for a long while, I still get flash backs of it.
But, what can I do? I have changed what i think was wrong, but my morals will not change for anyone.
Even if it means losing my husband, or friends.
It is my faith, it is my right, It is part of me, that will not be compromised.
I just have to know that someone out there, will appreciate me, and love how I am.
They will see my way of being as a plus, not a negative.
I think I got off topic here. YIKES, I sound like a Narcissist.
So being amicable with Javier is something I think in my gut is right for my children.
Is it hard for me? yeah, at times, and sometimes not.
I just feel like I lived my life on my own for 26 years, that was my chance to F up if i needed too. But now i don't get to F up, b/c my children are here. I am hard on myself that way. It is my way of thinking. I am not living my life for my children. No. But I just can't F up, I don't have the right.
So protecting them now is my priority. And that is my life, right now. And that is ok.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I wish I could be the same. I wish I could be more amicable. I don't think I'm hard to get along with but I've taken a huge step back and away from him. It was hard at first mostly I think out of habit. Now, I am happier. I think Peanut is happy. I've made it my mission to make sure she feels secure and happy, regardless of his actions.
I'm not asking you to change your POV, just offering a different view
It's hard for me to be anything but civil with someone I can't trust, etc. I am civil, but not friendly.
Anyhow - I hope you have a mahvelous weekend dahling!!!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I'm not asking you to change your POV, just offering a different view
It's hard for me to be anything but civil with someone I can't trust, etc. I am civil, but not friendly.
KS, I tend to be like you. I can't imagine being friends with the X or his new wife. I cannot trust either of them and after all of ther things they did, I will never respect them....two important thngs in my eyes when it comes to friendship. I will be civil, I don't look for or want to be a part of any arguments with them, I just want to live in peace and interact with them when necessary.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
You have my utmost respect for the way you live your life, the way you relate with Javier. I think it is great for your kids to see you interacting nicely with each other.
It is hard on me to be nice to STBX too. I do so much better when I don't have to interact with him at all. I wish we got along as well as you and Javier.
I don't think anyone expects you to be the best mom, or friend or anything. Just that you try each day is wonderful. Heck, I made all kinds of mistakes, still do, but I try to learn from them and not repeat them.
You are blessed in so many ways. And to many you are a blessing.
