H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[seekpeaceofmind]

Hi, Evie - guess you've gone quiet this week. I'm sure you have a lot that you are processing. I think it is healthy to some degree to question your own role and choices, but don't be too hard on yourself. I know for myself that I feel now like I missed some pretty significant warning signs, but I also know that I had good reasons for being drawn to H and choosing life with him. I had good reasons to trust him and feel loved by him, too. I just wish that I had paid more attention to the warning signs, not so that I would have chosen differently but so that we could have addressed the issues and prevented some of the harm that has come to us and our M.

If it is MLC or some other fog, what your H is saying now does not necessarily reflect the truth and definitely doesn't represent your past. Don't take everything he says at face value.

Even if we got D, if he has these internal issues and isn't happy with himself, he'll take these issues through his life and into a next R, if that isn't with me.

You are so right about this and to me this is one of the saddest aspects of someone walking away from the M. If only both partners would be ready, willing and able to address the issues. It's about growth as much as commitment. Not to mention maturity. . . . I think the introspection you are going through will benefit you and your children. Maybe he will get there eventually and join you, but at least you will be confident in yourself that you gave as much as you could to the M, to your family, and to yourself. If only one of you grows from this experience, then that is still better than neither of you doing so.