I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

I hate exercise, but it's on my list of changes. I'm trying not to overwhelm myself and take on so many self-improvment projects that I can't sustain them. I'm starting by walking with a friend most workdays for about 30 min.

I'm really focused these days on trying to find a spiritual mindset/path that works for me. I'm also going to the Divorce group, which is I think a total of 3 months and I am going to Depression recovery seminars which is 8 weeks.

I really want to move closer to work - need to find some time to talk to lender and realtor. I say every week that I am going to make the phone calls but get so busy at work that I don't move forward. The snow is finally starting to melt so time to get going on this. I'm about to have some maintenance work done on my house and I am starting to get rid of some stuff that I don't want and clutters up the place. Next step is to pack up H things and have him remove them. It's been six months now since he moved out.

Neither H or I have much contact with his sons. That whole sitch was difficult and embittered H. The boys were raised by their mother in Europe and live there now. After we married, they visited us a couple of times each which was huge progress. I don't know if that would have happened if I hadn't been in the picture and I'm not looking for "credit" but that truth seems to have been neglected in the "my wife isolated me from my family" story that H has built in his own mind. For a while, I tried to email sons on a regular basis but that didn't seem to work at building or sustaining a family connection and H wouldn't make any effort at it.

Still not much contact with H last couple of weeks. I haven't initiated. He stopped by office last week to talk about the tax refund and decided to split it with me. His choice. I don't know if he also wanted to be nice or if he just didn't want to accept generosity from me. Guess it really doesn't matter. He also stopped by yesterday while I was at a meeting - left me a gift of sorts that he said he got in Fla. It was something that nobody who knows my taste, my style, etc would choose for me. I haven't acknowledged it. I'm not sure if I should or not - it might be good for him to make an overture that doesn't get a response from me. If he wants a reaction, maybe he will try again. My goal is for him to initiate casual contact with me - even if it is only a phone call to say hello, how are you.