Walk It Off

[NoCodeBlues]

Thanks for the advice, Karen, Root. I just haven't quite figured out how to 180 with my W -- which entail me doing the opposite of withdrawing or going dark -- and not seem like I am pursuing W instead. It is entirely possible that pursuit might actually be what W wants. (But then I also know she would not garner much respect for me in that case either.)

I am still considering what and if a change in course might be in order.

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I got a reply to an email I sent W on Monday. Here is the email I sent:

W,

Please don't forget that I am expecting a detailed, itemized invoice for all the time and materials charged by the contractors you have hired to paint and repair the house.

I have already endorsed the state tax refund check and entrusted it into your hands for safe keeping. I will do the same for the federal check once we have the itemized billing in hand. Once we properly settle the contractor bills out of the refund sum, we will then fairly divide the remainder of this money accordingly.

I called to talk to my S's this morning and when she answered she told me she finally got and read my email this morning.

I said, "Okay. And?"

W said, "Cold. It was so cold and heartless, with no feeling to it..."

I said nothing in response to the tone of my email, as I was a little surprised she took it so, but she continued to to say to me that she had no intention of "ripping me off" and that I am just too mean and callous and refuse to trust her, blah, blah blah.

I wanted to say something in response, but then she put our S's on to talk to me before I could.

Afterwards I noticed she had sent a reply by email that echoed much of what she said to me on the phone:

This e-mail gives me chills...... It couldn't be any colder if it had icicles hanging from it. I think they did a fantastic job. There are some more things that the guy is going to throw in & I'd like to just give him some cash if he'll take it.... Fixing the garage & the fence was not part the estimate but they saw it needed done & they did it. The palladium window will need replaced & they couldn't do that- so there will need to be extra cash for that kind of thing. I need new rugs for the bathrooms etc.......But if you are going to be such a b***d I guess I'll just have to give you your 60% & do it on my own like I've had to do taking care of the house & kids during our marriage. But if I have to make all the repairs myself I guess I could just keep the profit from the sale of the house to pay myself back.

I prepped a message to send back to her, but I am going to sit on it for 24 hours to see how I feel about it then:

I am sorry you take such offense. What sort of tone do you expect? Or want?

You tell me.

I've tried being warm and friendly towards you, to appeal to your decency, to find civility and congeniality between us, for the sake of our children. But you have demonstrated in both words and deeds that you want nothing of that from me.

I have appealed to you to seek some form of counseling so we can find peace between us, for the sake of S7 and S3 if nothing else. You have continued to strongly reject that too.

No, you established this stance of war against me -- and you just won't relinquish this hostility. Anything and everything I do seems to meet with your disapproval and raises your ire.

I could simply reciprocate your hostile, hateful tone. But I know that would not be productive.

So if a neutral, business-like approach comes off as "cold", then so be it. I can't help that. Like so much else, you leave me with no other options and yet you still are unhappy with what course I take, no matter what.

I do get the message. You are hellbent on seeking this divorce and continue to see me as your chief obstacle.

So be it. I really and truly do not want a divorce, as I just don't see our marriage as absolutely irreparable, but I can not and will not stand in your way. One simply cannot fix what is broken when there is a third person involved.

But I ask you to please consider your all-out warfare footing and what this mutually-assured destruction is going to do to S7 and S3.

I have continued to pray for you, W. I ask God to help us find peace between us. I really don't want this constant hostility between us -- it is damaging to both our souls, and it harms our sons in ways that we can only begin to measure.

I really just do not know how to approach this woman any more. She has become the most frustratingly confusing person I have ever met. I have better rapport and understanding with female friends and acquaintances than with my own W right now. This is downright maddening.