who feels insecure?

[forward]

TPaschal,

It pained me to read your post. I am so sorry that you feel that way. But I'm glad I posted this thread because I think it's important to acknowledge that pain there and work on it, you know? It can really strike to the core of our femininity (not that men are not crushed as well).

But attractiveness IS about more than looks. That said, I now recognize that being as attractive as you can physically can be make you feel better about yourself, and then all the other good stuff can shine through, too.

So...what would help you feel more attractive? For me, it's been new clothes and jewelry. Somewhere along the line I found I had mostly black and tan clothes that were boring!

But feeling more attractive has also been going out and meeting new people. That's helped a lot.

I was never much into fashion, so it's confusing to be getting more into it at age 40 and hoping I don't look like I'm-40-in-my-own-crisis.

"I don't have anything going for me right now other than being a mom and trying to help me and the kids get through this."

And you know what? That's a helluva a lot. That's what I'm concluding. Give yourself credit. And the chance to get yourself back together. We all need that. It will take some time.

I was 38 when I had D2, so I've been in the workplace my entire adult life and while I'm not making six figures, I've done OK. But I will tell you: nothing is as hard (and yet paradoxically as easy) as being a mom. That was a real surprise to me.

Just keeping your sanity during this time is pretty good! So if you're not feeling great...well, we all will eventually. I'm getting there, slowly.

My thought is that if I have to go it alone, I can deal with that. That is OK. What I want is to have relationships around me--relationships of ALL kinds--that are positive and warm so that when I'm off this crazy planet, I will know that I have experienced some of the best of what there is to offer.

As far as the OW psychological mess element...why H was dripping with sympathy for this girl child when he had a little girl who really needed him is beyond me. It won't last. It's a twisted, weird situation where they are using each other.

Will he want me back? dunno. Do I want him back? I'm starting to say Well, I do not need him back.

The dark is helping me.