who feels insecure?

[tpaschal]

I'm not handling the rejection. Not well, anyway. Oh, I've been told (by a gay male friend and some of my gf's) that I'm still hot and if and when I want to date I won't have any problems, but I don't really believe it. But I've always had issues with that---not liking my looks. I was always shy about talking to guys. Didn't really know how to flirt.

I know I'm not ready to even think about dating, and I'm still standing, but as it looks like the D is more and more inevitable, it is something that worries me.

In my situation, OW is half H's age. I feel old.

Yep, right there with you on this. The line in your sig---OW: 22 and a psychological mess---describes my H's OW word for word, including the age.

I've been working on building a lovely new wardrobe, etc.. And if I do say so myself, I look good overall!

Yay, breton! That's a great start. Being confident is so healthy. I need to get me some of that! (Confidence, I mean.)

I have lots of formal and dressy clothes since H and I went out a lot for work related events, but since I've been a stay at home mom and out of the workforce for 14 years, my everyday clothes tend to be of the soccer-mom variety. I'm not even sure what I'll need to get back into the workforce. (I was an elem. school teacher, so the dress code really depends on the school and the principal.)

And I'm NOT confident about my overall looks. Sandyof5 mentioned having kids and stretch marks---me, too! I'm not overweight, but after having three kids I have some stretching and permanent sagging that only surgery would correct!

Plus, my hair has been falling out. A lot. Had to get it all cut off because I had holes in my hair. Not bald, but a big chunk where the hair broke off down to like an inch long. <sigh> Stress related, maybe?????

I know I'm also an interesting person, I have considerable successes in my life on a professional level (and I certainly expect more).

I think I'm fun and interesting, but I don't have anything going for me right now other than being a mom and trying to help me and the kids get through this. Makes it hard to talk to new people.

But I see men this age, who are looking for women who are much younger, and I just feel insecure about my own attractiveness now.

Who relates? How are you dealing, barring finding someone else to tell you you look good??

It's weird. I have a friend who is 43 who was in my shoes a year or two before I started going through it. Her D has been final for at least a year, and she's been going out a lot, flirting, dating, and she has found that a lot of younger men (sometimes MUCH younger, a few in their early twenties, but mostly in their early 30's) are interested in her! But the men her own age are usually slobbering after someone significantly younger. What is up with that? Yuck.

As far as how to deal with the rejection and my self-esteem and insecurity issues. I'm not dealing. Not at all.

Hmm....I'm sure that didn't really help. Sorry! But I would love to get some tips from others who are further down this path than me!