I'd love to capture this so that disagreements don't escalate and harsh things don't have to be said.
As simple as it may sound, it really is this simple to me (if you've made changes in your ability to communicate effectively from your end) -- choose to genuinely LOVE when this pattern begins to develop. Look at the grand scheme of things and at what you're arguing about. Is it so important to be right during all or most of these fights? Everytime this pattern starts forming, step away from the tree and see the forest.
My old IC helped me to understand that anger is a secondary emotion that stems from a primary emotion (embarrassment, guilt, fear, sadness, impatience, etc). I was taught that as soon as I began getting angry, I needed to stop and consider what the primary emotion (or the real issue at hand) was that was fueling my anger. Once I identified it, I dealt with it in a reasonable manner and kept the anger at bay. Of course, I don't ALWAYS catch myself, but I'm pretty darn good at it anymore. The more I practice it, the better engrained it is.
Of course, you can always agree to strip naked and THEN argue -- that might quell the fight! Wish I could remember which book that is from (always loved it!).
Glad to be able to reciprocate some ideas and perspectives to YOU for once! lol
