well the wife stopped by today..

[cat03]

it's really odd you don't know where she lives, how you tried just plum asking her? "W, I was curious to know how far you live, and in case of emergency it might be a good idea to have an address to reach you." keep it simple and plain.

So you'll get your car clean, next week it will be your clothes, or the carpet, etc etc, your car isn't the problem, is her attitude. Someone mentioned the book "stop walking on eggshells" as a great read to people always trying to please others, give it a try.

i told her " stop i understand it will never get this dirty again." i said it with kindness but it hurt her

I dont' even think my son would be this complacent if I scold him about something, you are not a kid, you shouldnt' have to feel you have to placate her in this way, it still blows me away she took your meek answer as an insult, jeez!

W i lover it when you call me on things because we are trying to become stronger together.

I hope i'm reading this wrong, are you telling her that you welcome her harsh criticism?? how about "i would like you to respect me faults and all, I won't always do things the way you'd like them to be done, please respect the way *I* do things, we won't always agree on everything".

You dont' solve problems, you learn to deal to deal with them, 60% of arguments in a M dont' have a solution, you learn how to compromise. My H always use this as ammo "we dont'agree on so much, we dissagree about many things, etc etc" ummm, hello? ALL M go through this! you can't agree on everything! you learn how to "see" the others persons point of view without having to agree with it.

Stop being so afraid of loosing her, once you let go of your fear you'll find yourself, that assertive person that was there long before you met her.