Wow first of all I'm sorry your little one was sick. I hope she's better now.
I think what has happened in the past few days is very interesting. That you didn't feed off his anger is great but what is even better is the next day you acted like you had no idea what he was talking about. Making him think for sure.
Todays events are even more fascinating. The way he says that nothing is permanent makes me think he's seriously thinking about all his options. What you need to do is show him the best option is to come home and work it out with you.
Way2Go!
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I am trying so hard to be calm and aloof with him right now. I want him to see that home with me is the best option. It is funny because when he told me he was going to the lake, my first thought was, "Dammit, I wanted him to spend the weekend in his lonely apartment. Now he's gonna go have fun!" Isn't that funny?
I just keep telling myself that he is trying to occupy his time because he is desperately lonely without me. If he was home alone, he would be in a puddle of tears and sorrow. I think that is only partly true though. I do know that he is keeping busy to keep his mind off things.
Thats a good way to see it actually. Sure beats jealously.
I know that even though our Hs act like they are fine they are actually very sad about the sitch. Just because they are the ones that left doesn't mean it's all easy and smooth for them. H is depressed and his Dr wants him to go on AD. Not sure if he will.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I have the inside scoop on H because his mom is on my side. She said he is SO distracted at work right now. He can't get anything done. You can just tell it is on his mind. After he left this afternoon MIL called and asked the kids and me over for dinner. It is nice to have that family connection with him, so I don't feel completely in the dark. I know he is hurting, but I have to play dumb because I don't think he would appreciate his mom sharing that with me.
Had a pretty good evening last night and a pretty good day today. H left town yesterday (as I said above), but his mom called us over for dinner. The kids had a great time with their grandparents. We went over this morning and spent most of the day helping them move their birds around. There house was destroyed 2 years ago in Hurricane Rita, and they are just finishing up all the repairs. It was nice to spend some time with them. They don't seem to think that H knows what he is doing or what he wants. I don't think so either. I am just keeping my distance as much as I can and letting him come to a decision on his own. I know I can't force him, but I am seeing some positive changes in his attitude with me. I am cautiously optimistic with the things that happened yesterday, but I am afraid to give myself any false hope. I talked with his mom about it a little. She agreed that at some point he is going to decide that a D is not what he wants, but I have to decide at what point that realization is just too late for me. I talked my IC about it a bit yesterday. I told her that I had a 6 month image in my head, and that at that point I might consider filing on my own to get out of this limbo he has put us in. She is a great counselor. She said I shouldn't look at the 6 months as my time to file, but I should look at it as a time to reassess the situation and see where I think we are. If we are making great strides at that point but he isn't completely there yet, I have to consider that in my decision rather than just walk away from it.
I think your IC has a point there. You could reassess your sitch in 6 months and then decide what to do or how to proceed. 6 months isn't that much time according to these BBs so keep an open mind ok?
Jen
Last edited by JenInVen; 04/07/0809:48 PM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
MAJOR backsliding today. H came to the office today, and I was not expecting him. I had a pretty major meltdown in front of him. I did all the things I am NOT supposed to be doing. Crying, pleading, asking why, asking if he even misses me, R talk. I felt like a crazy person. I told him that I didn't know how much longer I could do this (meaning wait for him), and he said "I'm sorry. Right now I just feel like this is the right thing for me." It was a bad moment for me. I don't know why I did it, or how I can recover from it. I am just going to have to go dark again. I am in no condition to see him right now. Normally, I know that he is going to show up, and I prepare myself mentally. That did not happen today. It was just bad all the way around. Could someone please beat me up a little, maybe lie and tell me it will be OK?
