"First, I want you to remember something. In many ways, your W is still REALLY, REALLY SCARED. She had made up her mind that her M was over - and believe me, she was not a happy person when she did that. Now, she sees hope for the two of you - do you understand how difficult it is for her to throw her heart and body and soul back into that relationship after having "failed" once? I think it actually takes a lot of guts for the WAS to come back, maybe more than for the LBS to recommit - because we never gave up like they did. Add a hearty helping of guilt on top of that - do you see how "putting herself out there again" would be just terrifying? So, when she is tentative, and insecure (I'm thinking back to the big party with your family), take it easy on her - let her come back at her own pace."
Here.. you got it right. Very good take on the situation. I really liked it. You said some things that I think will help Lan understand better what she was feeling. I hope he is beyond this.
"For example, when she bought you shirts - well, I'm afraid Forrest got it all wrong."
Well, I am afraid you got that all wrong. I am fairly sure I made it clear that that was a good thing. I was ribbing him a bit. Now.. I do forget sometimes. But I thought he got it.
"As a matter of fact, your W, who had been failing to make herself happy in her sitch, saw you GALing and succeeding at making yourself happy. And she was envious that you "got it right"
Actually.. His wife was happy with giving it all up. She sent him away. He folded and went "away". He did not have a life. He came here posting all "Crazy". She was not envious. She just had NFC how he could do it. How can he be happy? What she was missing was it was all smoke and mirrors. He wanted to be with her. Thats it.
"she wanted you to invite her along for the good stuff and leave the bad stuff behind."
You nailed that on the head. Dead on.
"Third, please, PLEASE try to stop looking at so much of your sitch through the perspective of how the OM figured into it."
I have told him.. many times... Stop asking WHY. Thank you for confirming that.
"IMHO, that kind of awakening doesn't come from being with someone different - it is more about your W herself than about who is in bed with her."
You got the awakening part wrong. Again.. you missed I said it was always there. He actually had confirmation from wifes B/F. Now that sucks and is also good news. Lan needs a "freaky" girl. I have to imagine she was in the beginning. Somewhere along the line she thought he was looking for something different. Imagine that.
"Give your W credit for growing, and enjoy it - celebrate it with her! And do that without bringing that OM bum along for the ride."
You got that about 50% right.
His wife did not grow here. She already had it. She found something she really wanted. She applied her sub-par tools and came up with "That"s not what he wants!" That was not all he wanted but it was a big part. He wanted all "that" and some.
Lan was good enough once. She threw the other guy away as soon as Lan showed himself. It is that simple.
Lan has a big heart. She would be a fool to walk away when he is on. He has my stamp of approval for Advanced DAM.
Simple fact is.. He came here. He got something from it. He used the tools that other people were showing him. He still has a long walk. There is going to be some "Drama". I gotta say I think he will make it.
Do Work.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
