Not the person I was before

[redhottie]

BBJ and Kalni,
You are welcome to hijack my thread anytime. I was feeling lonely. I feel much better than I did yesterday, but I still don't know if I can wait for H to "catch up" much longer.

In my T appt. yesterday I was telling how I usually help H pack for his trips. Normally H gets very stressed by packing. I always offer to help even though it isn't a pleasant experience. I decided yesterday that I wouldn't make that offer. When I got home last night H had already started packing and I let him do it himself. I stayed clear of the bedroom so I don't know if he was stressed or not.

This morning I wasn't very warm and fuzzy. I think I just said goodbye when I left and I don't really remember if I made any mention of his trip. After I left I thought bad DBer...my T told me yesterday that even if I am done, I should not change my behavior and become a big B. That would just give H the opportunity to say "The real red is back." I decided that I would reach out so I sent a text saying "I think I forgot to tell you to have a safe trip." H called later to thank me for sending the text.

Earlier in the day I had sent him a text to give him some info about D. He sent a question in response, to which I sent an answer and told him he could call if he wanted to discuss it. H ended up calling and we talked for almost 15 min. That is a long time for us and we didn't talk about D much, but I don't really know what we talked about. Small talk I guess.

H called from the airport before leaving to talk to the Ds. Which I took as another positive.

I won't be calling or texting H while he is gone unless he initiates contact. I am hoping he realizes while he is gone what a fabulous woman he is married too, but about to loose. I know that is a big dream. Notice I said it is a hope, not an expectation. I expect nothing to change.

Opps, he just sent D a text to say he landed. Nothing for me...but I didn't expect anything.

I realize H is still confused and doesn't know WTF he wants. I also realize he may not know before I'm ready to move on for good. H better start moving soon, or he may not be able to "catch up" to me.