I really do appreciate the responses. I readily admit to not meeting her en's the first 15 years. I can now also see that some of her phobias in the bedroom were directly related to her suxual abuse issues as a child.
I do have to say though, that until the last few years I did not know why she had the various sexual issues. She never told me. I also would add that I feel I have worked very hard to be a better husband the last 10-15 years, even though it appears I was still not meeting her en's.
Sometimes it is very hard for us guys to be mind readers. I can honestly say that if I have known what an issue is, I will put forth the effort to do better, I just have to know what is needed of me.
My wife has said I did everything right the first 3 months she was gone, but it hardly covers 30 years of screw ups. 30 years of screw ups? Makes it sound like there was never anything done right. Hey my kids have some negative experiences those first 30 years also, but every one of them has told me how much better I have been and they have seen the changes. My wife would even occasionally acknowledge the same thing, but then revert back to statements like-"Do you remember what you said to me on our honeymoon?". It seems that all the focus is on what was wrong and never the good. I happen to think that there was waaay more positives than negatives.
I am approaching the point of wondering if I want to be married to someone that seeks comfort from other men, runs from her marriage and gives up, and only sees the negative in life. In no way do I not acknowledge my faults and shortcomings, but there comes a point that one realizes that it takes both parties acknowledging it takes two to make it work.
Any comments from anyone else including counselors, church leaders or even her own children, that suggest she may need to work on things, end up with zero or little contact and are ussually written off as siding with me. Not to productive to make things better. But hey, I'll keep trying!
