Just keep one thread in either forum , and then keep a 'dumm' thread in the other one that links you to the active one.
I forgot about linking your threads. I started trying to do it in your signature space and that wasn't working. I will have to do it in a thread...at least at first...and then paste it in your signature.
I think it's a big leap to make.....from where things are now to say she's 'NEVER' coming back. You DO need to find your happiness apart from her right now, though...as you said. I'm sorry she's putting you through this.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
BT - When I was seperated I had a very similar experience at sons ballgame with W texting OM and sharing S7's success with him. He got his first hit left handed during the game and he was so proud, but she missed it. When I looked at her text log later she shared this with OM, she didn't even see it but wanted to tell OM what a great little ball player she had. (He is some big time softball player so she was showing off I think).
Anyhow, I remember thinking the same thing at that moment that I had just lost my W forever. I played in this big softball tourny that weekend and was voted tourney MVP, when she called I told her to which she replied that OM get's those all the time.
Anyhow, I know that it would fade and that if I changed for me that she would maybe come around. I realize that we were "quicker" in our R than others on this board but the approach was the same. If you are serious about making this work then make it work! Do everything that YOU can do to change the outcome so you know in the end that you did not give up. She may or may not come around, but you need to own the bad feelings from that moment and use it as motivation to keep going!
Also, I realize that you and Fish are friends, and through this experience I have really tried to take his emotional approach with a grain of salt. But, your life is your life and you need to make decisions based on your needs and goals. You don't seem to be so emotionally charged. I would caution you that a level approach is the way to go through this experience.
Good Luck!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Well taken Hound. I am being way to sensitive and not detachng as well as i should or thought I was. The kids and I just drove down from Boston from W's Mom's funeral. She stayed behind with Family and friends and I drove the kids home. She just informed me that she is not getting home until late tomorrow night thus I get kids for whole weekend. Her freind is picking her up at the train station and then they are going out tomorrow night. She does everything she possibly can to make me feel like crap. When I ask her a simple question like can I give you a ride back for the auto repair shop she gives me some answer like "my friend is picking me up". Then twenty minutes later she will tell me it is Jill picking her up, not OM. I asked her If I could pick her up at the train station and she said no a friend was picking her up. Hard to ingnore. All she wants to do is be as hurtful as possible. She is never telling the truth. I tried to call her on my cell and she did not answer, so I called her on my son's cell and she answers right away. I hate this. I feel like I am being so used and tossed away. To sensitive?
" your life is your life and you need to make decisions based on your needs and goals. You don't seem to be so emotionally charged. I would caution you that a level approach is the way to go through this experience."
I really need to take a good look at what i want my life to be from now on in. Very tough to do with all the shifting sands.
We have a meeting with the L 4.16.2008 to discuss living situations and moving forward. I am working hard but it seems like the end is near.
My latest thought is middle aged women are way too empowered. Hey, if I was at a low in my life (saw myself aging, career sucks, mother dieing, best friend dieing, raising three teenagers all in three months) and minor marriage issues and I could take a few bucks and alimony per month for the rest of my life I may think of hitting the road and acting like a teenager too. Sounds like fun to me.
I will be fine. At the moment I feel very used. I think I have weathered some of the biggest bumps already over the last 6 months. This is very hard for me but I am starting to accept and detach. It’s tough to take twenty years and just forget about it. The hardest part will be moving out and saying goodbye.
This whole thing has really changed me as a person and I really like the changes I have made, I now I feel very alive and aware. I can not control her and her wants and needs but I can control me and the way I react to her craziness. A lot of this was my fault too, I was kind of sleep walking through life, taking things for granted.
The best thing that is coming out of this I never realized how many people really love me and really care for me, including her family. I really had no idea. When this crisis hit so many people were right there for me, they were lined up. I was with her twin brother and my sister in-law this weekend for the funeral and they spent so much time just telling me how much they loved me and we talked about all the great times we had together. I also have never been closer to my family.
I feel really bad for my kids but I will dedicate the rest of my life to them and their happiness. I love them so much it’s crazy. They are not liking their mother right now and I have to fix that which is also going to be very hard. Their relationship with their Mom is very important. They don’t see how important it is now because of the poor choices she is making, the way she is treating me and paying no attention to them.
Tree, don't take this the wrong way - but it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you are detaching and that you will be fine.
If detaching is really what you want to do, you need to read up on it and really get your head around it.
Detaching means truly being able to step outside of yourself and look at the sitch with very little emotion. It means doing what is truly best for you, for your wife, for your kids and for your marriage. It means you don't go to your room and cry when something nasty happens. It means KNOWING you will be OK, no matter what happens.
I may be wrong, but I am not getting that feeling from your recent posts.
Once again, please don't take it wrong, I'm just trying to help.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Thanks Mink...I am having a tough day. I think you are correct, I want to be detached. It is very difficult with us both in the same house and knowing each others every movement. This is very hard but I am doing the best I can.
BT your in my prayers my friend. I dont have any advise. just well whishes. this road is so friking dark sometimes. we do have people who maid it so look to them for hope as well.
