hey peace- I hope going to the T was helpful for your D. It is so good that she wants to talk about her fears...that is so healthy.
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I see the road as acceptance and although I am not there, I am closer and it is my goal
Do you really think you haven't made it to acceptance yet? I believe you have accepted the reality of the situation...or do you mean acceptance that the situation won't change? If that is the case, how can you accept that because you don't know what the future has to hold?
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but I am also clear that while I want to DB and practice unconditional love for H, I also want to allow for some reality talks when it seems appropriate and I no longer fear H leaving for good
You and I are in the same place on this. We have been trying to be so patient and understanding during the last year. I know it has to be hard for you to watch your children go through this without saying anything. As for me, I am getting tired of the touch and goes with little progress. We can try to continue to be patient and just wait for answers and that may work...but I believe there are no cookie cutter answers because all of our situations are different...very similar, but different. We have been practicing DB and we understand why it works...but ultimately, we have to do what is right for ourselves.
Whao, a lot of communicating (?!) going on with your H. Do you feel better being able to let it all out and tell him what you really feel? I have often wanted to do that, but I don't think H could handle the guilt. Then I also feel like I'm letting him off the hook by saying nothing at all.
Glad to hear that your D is able to express herself so well. How about your S? My S is around the same age. I often worry about him not expressing his feelings - that it will come back to haunt him later in life, just like it did for my H. I don't think I could handle watching either of my S's doing what my H is doing.
SH My S6 does not talk much about dad anymore. He asks for H on the scheduled days that he knows he will visit on off days, not a word about dad I put him in this grief group for s and D parents at school and he like it I feel the thime will come when we will address it with son too Girls are more connected to this feeling side Upside The acceptance is more like the total outcome..and you are right I dont know exactly what it is but I still feel like I need to totally accept the fact that it is over first..and if he comes around it will be a plus there Im not yet But I talk to many woman who are D and LBS, they say you get to this point that you are done and you no longer want H back Im not there yet H will be here tonight peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
H here he seemed normal talking about work and a little about things he is thinking about doing-fishing hunting no word about confrontation the other day as if it never happened he looked tired so nothing new here I just wonder how long this can remain like this we are friends this will be my next confrontation but not for a few weeks
he still looks as if he hasnt moved an inch peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
H here tonight seems tired and lost as usual same stuff shares a bit about work fixes a few things in the house I am grateful I dont have to pay someone I told him I really like that about him he seemed pleased to hear it I left ro go to moms and dancing H feeds kids and leaves when Babysitter comes seems such a waste as he belongs here with us and he seems like a ship with no direction just goes where the wind blows peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
seems such a waste as he belongs here with us and he seems like a ship with no direction
I couldn't agree more that it is such a waste...in spite of that, we need to keep looking at the silver lining here...that all of this is pushing us to learn, grow and become better people...and now have more understanding and compassion then we did before all of this started. We have lots of anger and frustration too...but life is never perfert now is it? We just need to learn to enjoy our lives as much as we can whenever we can.
when I get back H gets ready to leave he said two words and was gone
I felt this urge to say something but didnt I cant believe I am doing this for 14 months already tonight I am feeling so ancy, like I can take another mionute dont know what happened
it hurts and I dont see H coming around in fact, he seems set I think they dont file as another from of avoidance what do you think? like why do it now, if you can pospone it another few years and why do they want to be friends? why not never communicate again? there is something that keeps them coming back besides the kids??they cant let go of the connection, but they cant return, so they pick this space in the middle probably another form of avoidance again to really end the R maybe they can avoid the pain ( that we feel) by staying somewhere in the middle i dont know any thoughts? Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, It's your choice really. No one can tell you what to do. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. What do you think God is trying to teach you through this agonizing wait? -PH
it hurts and I dont see H coming around in fact, he seems set I think they dont file as another from of avoidance what do you think? like why do it now, if you can pospone it another few years and why do they want to be friends? why not never communicate again? there is something that keeps them coming back besides the kids??they cant let go of the connection, but they cant return, so they pick this space in the middle probably another form of avoidance again to really end the R maybe they can avoid the pain ( that we feel) by staying somewhere in the middle i dont know
peace, I so feel your pain. I have been at this 12months. And you are so right...I think... In my sitch though I wonder alot if the reason my H doesn't file is because this sitch works just perfect for him. He still auto deposits his check I worry and pay for the bills. I am taking care of the house and kids. He has his OW to fulfill his needs. He can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and doesn't have to answer to anyone. And if he or I files for D he knows that this farm (his family farm) will be gone. So why file? And by not filing he doesn't have to admit to himself or others that HE got a D. Something he always swore he'd never do.
I am so sorry for your pain and I wish you all the best... TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
