Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Neecy's H and OW work for the same company, though now in different locations, but for business-related issues, there IS contact that must take place for business purposes.

What should she do then? Insist on her H quitting his job?



Yes, IF he wants to remain married to her,


Sounds awfully controlling to me, but I digress.

Puppy, I don't have any issues as well. Like I said, we can agree to disagree, and as many of us have pointed out to Neecy before (as well as to others), what worked in one sitch may very well backfire in another. There is no 'one size fits all' remedy.

My "pie in the sky/naive" approach, as you choose to call it, is what works for ME \:\) . If I continued to go through my days agonizing and making myself sick, wondering and worrying about what my H was/is up to, I would not make it in this R. However, NOT ONCE did I EVER ignore the possibility that my H was still in contact with the OW. I, too, gathered all the 'intel' I could get my hands on. The snooping was good for me, but just awful for the R. Oh well, too bad, right? My H brought this upon himself and had to deal with the consequences of his actions.

But, IMHO, this has to stop. At what point? Well that depends on the sitch and what's happening in it, particularly the actions of the UP. Again, IMO, his/her actions should help to determine when it is time to ease up and focus on moving forward. If there isn't some minute level of faith in your partner,...well....then why even bother trying to save your M if you're going to continuously doubt them?

Forgive and move on, and YES, I agree - "Trust, but verify." \:\)

No worries, Neecy. I'm a big girl, too, and I can take the heat.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell