Funny...I didn't pick up on a deep fascination...only an interst that may be growing.
I also have a bone to pick with the mitch changing the lightbulb thing
see
the thing is
Althea carried and birthed his children...that means something. Also, his children LIVE there...that means something too and while he doesn't NEED to help out in those ways...
kind of makes him an ass when he doesn't.
So nope...she doesn't NEED mitch to do that. But she SURE has the right to ask and IMO she has the right to expect that he will help out.
I didn't say "deep" fascination. But the question is really why Althea is wanting something that the person isn't offering in such a new R. My guess is that it is because she wants that R to heal her in some way of which she is not aware. Worth a thought, anyway.
With regard to Mitch and the lightbulbs, I disagree. And, I'd bet you a decent chunk of change that you'll change your viewpoint on this within a few years.
Most recently D/getting D folks (including me) continue to treat the X as a spouse past the time it is appropriate. It doesn't turn out to be good for anyone.
I have been divorced form my 1st husband (who I have the Hardys with) for 8 years...
you bet your assests if he were around I would expect him to do that stuff.
I am taking care of his children
part of being a parent is making sure they are taken care of forever
if I couldn't do something and he could...I would for sure ask...not askinghim to be a spouse...just making sure that shite gets taken care of.
If I were remarried and my new husband wanted to do that stuff then for sure I wouldn't ask but I'm not remarried and if he had contact with the kids (which he doesn't for some very specific reasons) you bet your hot patootie I would be asking him to do the stuff to keep them safe that I couldn't.
No, not at all, of course. I meant past the time for Althea. I'm certainly not worried about Mitch or his GF, though in all honesty, it is intrusive for Althea to ask Mitch to perform spouse-like duties.
The sooner one quits depending for people to perform a role in their life that they have no interest in performing, the sooner one's life will go better. Mitch does not want to be Althea's H, lover, or handyman. They are D. Better to move on and not get twisted around an old sense of entitlement.
Anyway, I seem to have inadvertently hit a nerve. Please just consider that the less you expect from someone who has divorced himself from your life, the better your life will go. X-spouses have separate lives. It is better to live that way as much as possible. Mitch doesn't need to change Althea's lightbulbs. Althea doesn't need to go to his place to make him chicken soup to freeze. They have separate households. It is inappropriate for either of them to ask the other to perform spouselike tasks.
Fully pursuing independence feels much better than grasping at shreds of feelings of entitled dependence.
Of course, it also involves giving up even more of those me-right, he-wrong, me-should-win, he-should-lose feelings. A tough step to take, but a good step to take in the long run.
The X moved in and out for several years pre-D and of course we have been D for 5 years. I never asked him do do anything when he moved out b/c I felt like at that point we had separate lives. We were no longer a team.
I myself did not have any children with The X so well he doesn't owe me anything.
I suppose if I did have kids with him - I have always been very independent - so it is unlikely I would want any contact with The X other than the minimum required with respect to kids. It is easier for me to just pay someone to do what needs to be done than deal with an X.
For me - once an R is over - it takes me awhile for me to let it go - but once I do - it is over and I have no expectations from the other person.
