Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[Grace_O]

lmg,

but when something is out of what, she really loses it.

Then it's up to you to show her how to handle the pressures of life. She needs and deserves this from you.

Here's one of my favorite stories for you to share with her...

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Here is the same story, but it is called "Grandfather Tells" which is also known as "The Wolves Within"
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

[newnamenewlife]

Wow, that a great story and so perfect and right. Yesterday was profoundly exhausting and emotional. Tomorrow I am giving a baby shower and my house is a disaster, so that is my GAL goal for today.

[Grace_O]

I've been telling the second version of that story to my kids since they were little. My D15 brought it up recently which is why I thought to post it to you.

Sounds like you'll be busy getting ready for the shower. Don't stress and have a really good time.

[Nature Girl]

Good luck with the shower lmg, at least it will keep your mind semi-occupied!

Grace, I love that story/stories! I guess it would be bad DBing to tell them to our Hs - my H is about 1/16 Cherokee. I could tell it to my kids though, especially D11!

[newnamenewlife]

I am somehow going to throw this shower together tomorrow. I am constantly distracted/preoccupied by my M situation, though. I can't stop thinking of it, trying to figure out how H & I went awry. I can be talking to someone about something completely different and simultaneously thinking about it in my head. Is that normal? It's really exhausting to obsess so much. If ruminating burned calories, I'd be a rail by now. My brain never quiets down/

The last two nights the four of us have had such fun evenings together--which is pretty standard. LAst night we played board games, tonight we were dancing and being silly. I just don't know how the kids will possibly make sense of the idea that daddy is moving out. They see H&I laughing and joking with each other all the time--won't they wonder why he is splitting up our family? I know you're supposed to say "adult relationships are complicated" or something, but seems like a pretty weak explanation to give our kids--who are EXTREMELY sharp and intuitive (and I'm not just saying that as their mom!)

[newnamenewlife]

^

[ddstartingover]

I can be talking to someone about something completely different and simultaneously thinking about it in my head. Is that normal?

I don't know about normal----but I have the same problem.

They see H&I laughing and joking with each other all the time--won't they wonder why he is splitting up our family? I know you're supposed to say "adult relationships are complicated" or something, but seems like a pretty weak explanation to give our kids--who are EXTREMELY sharp and intuitive (and I'm not just saying that as their mom!)

I think the same of my kids. I really think this will hit them like a ton of bricks. I guess all we can do is be there for them and help them through.

[Grace_O]

lmg,

Yes, I think it's normal to think about your sitch alot (even during other convos). I also think we need to work at not letting ourselves obsess about it. It takes time.

How was the shower?

[newnamenewlife]

The shower was wonderful. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and everyone had a great time. A very welcome distraction from all this!

I went to see my psychiatrist today and she's increasing my AD dose a bit, so hopefully that will help me feel a little less decimated.

H&I are seeing our MC on Wed, to discuss S, since that's the only thing he will discuss. I am still so resistant to the idea and not sure how to cooperate when I am feeling so hurt and angry.. My feeling right now is that H must do the talking when we tell our Ds and he must acknowledge that this is his decision. I am not going to turn him into a monster or anything, but I know that if I pretend this is mutual, it's going to come out somehow later that H was the one. I'd rather we be upfront about that. Plus, the kids can SEE which of us is still loving and which of us has cut off all affection.

I also feel strongly that for the time being, H should not come to our house other than to do kid pick up and drop off. I don't want him here gardening or working in the basement. He needs to really see just how much he is separating from me/us and our home. No cake-eating! I also feel like it would be very confusing for my Ds to have him hang around and then leave for the night. That would be hard on them.

The thing is, does H have a legal right to come to our house since we co-own it? I REALLY need him to stay away for a while once he leaves.

[cw68]

LMG, check out whileweheal.org. I don't know whether I've passed this along to you or not. It's a very good site to keep the kids first.