Ready2Change (II) - Detached

[Just_Me]

R2C,

I'm sorry. I was hoping for better for you, but I've seen this before. I've lived it before. Right now her mind is made up and she's actively finding ways to get a D and working through the details. Accept that...she truly thinks that divorcing you is the best option.

With that firmly in mind, make sure that you are fair to yourself. You don't get a second chance to do this right. You might think, "I can always get more time with the kids later", but once a precedence is set, it's hard to get change. That's why you need to do this as well as possible and work to get the amount of time you want...if it's 50/50, then work towards that.

Also, it's easy for her to drop "F you" bombs and go behind your back to take money because she has nothing to lose. And neither do you...what's she going to do, divorce you again? So, cancel any joint credit cards. Report them stolen if you have to or tell them you lost yours and they'll give you a new number. Don't think that she is incapable of running up credit cards. Talk to her about splitting the checking and savings right now, before she can either spend what's in it, or liquidate it into her own account. Or, you can just take half of money and then tell her you opened your own accounts with 50%. Then you can start depositing your wages in your own account.

I know that sounds too calculating, but it's protecting yourself. It doesn't matter if it upsets her. Should she ever come back, she won't mind that you were the fiscally responsible one.

As sofaraway suggested, just be yourself. Take joy and pride in your ability to overcome this. Don't let her see you crushed by this. Be strong, be happy, be willing to let any insults slide off your back. You have nothing else to lose either...she's going, but you just might make her regret and doubt the decision by letting her see what she's leaving. And make sure you make the most of this time with your kids. Visitation sucks.